[ForeverThinking]

As far as I know, I don't have a depression disorder. But right now i'm in a deep, low state. I've found out today that my friend's dad died. I wanted to help her, but she wasn't at school and Iwas about to cry. I just felt so awful for her. When I got home, I tried to get in a relaxed state of mind. My mum had to run by to get her workout clothes. The place was messy and she was passed about it. She screamed in my face, called me a liar. Now she wants and will send me to live with someone else. A family friend. I feel disgusted with myself, she doesn't believe it. She thinks this is what I wanted, that I don't respect her. I hate myself. I can't look at myself in the mirror. I don't know what to do. I wanna cry, but I can't. I wanna vomit but I can't. I wanna scream but I can't. I wanna cut but I can't. I don't even know what's happening to me. I need someone. I need guidance, advice, something. Please, someone help.

[live2ski66]

Originally Posted by ForeverThinking

As far as I know, I don't have a depression disorder. But right now i'm in a deep, low state. I've found out today that my friend's dad died. I wanted to help her, but she wasn't at school and Iwas about to cry. I just felt so awful for her. When I got home, I tried to get in a relaxed state of mind. My mum had to run by to get her workout clothes. The place was messy and she was passed about it. She screamed in my face, called me a liar. Now she wants and will send me to live with someone else. A family friend. I feel disgusted with myself, she doesn't believe it. She thinks this is what I wanted, that I don't respect her. I hate myself. I can't look at myself in the mirror. I don't know what to do. I wanna cry, but I can't. I wanna vomit but I can't. I wanna scream but I can't. I wanna cut but I can't. I don't even know what's happening to me. I need someone. I need guidance, advice, something. Please, someone help.

So sorry you are experiencing this. Death can be very traumatic, whether it is directly related to you or indirectly. I can't tell if you are in school or not. If you are, perhaps you can confide in a teacher or a counselor. And from a purely non professional opinion, if your mother doesn't want you around and wants to send you to a friend's, do you think it might be a safer environment? It's hard to accept that one's own mother can be so evil (I know I have one). If we can get past that thought, it's supposed to get better.
Good luck!

[marmaduke]

live2ski66
It's hard to accept that one's own mother can be so evil (I know I have one). If we can get past that thought, it's supposed to get better.
Its not you who is disgusting, you are fine. Some mothers are evil.
I don't know how old you are, put plan your escape from your mother as soon as is possible, meanwhile remember;
You are fine, you are not at fault.

[Altered Moment]

I don't know your mother so I cannot say that it is toxic for your to live with her. It maybe. If she kicks you out it is going to feel like she abandoned you and that really hurts. Maybe she has already abandoned you emotionally, I don't know. You need to find someone you trust that you can confide in about all these things that won't judge you.