[shabur]

I'm struggling with my depression right now. I know part of it is the time of year, but I don't know what the other part is.
One thing that happens when I get in this place is I have a lot of accidents. I've been talking with my Ts about it. One of them thinks I may be punishing myself, but I don't know for what?
One thing it could be is we've been working on the abuse and the rape, and letting my emotions out. I have been told I shouldn't be ashamed about it, but I am. Talking about sex and my body makes me very uncomfortable. This has been this way since I was a little girl.
I'm on disability and can't work in my profession. I am working 2 days a week 5-6 hours each day in a catering department of a national restaurant chain. It helps, but I can't see myself doing much more than that.
Because my income is limited and my medical expenses are so high I'm eligible for housing assistance. I had to re-certify this year. My lease is up at the end of this week and the housing assistance people haven't gotten back to me with how much of my rent they will cover. I am really worried because if they don't get back to me I will need to pay the full amount. I can do that for a couple months but then what? I've called and sent emails to the agent and her supervisor and I keep hearing they will get back to me on this day, and then again on this next day, and ...
I'm single, living on my own and when this happens I isolate and I don't take care of myself. I know I shouldn't isolate and how much time does it take to take a shower, but none of that matters to me. I try to journal but I get nothing,
How do I get myself through this time? My psychiatrist is starting to suggest that ECT treatments may be necessary. I really don't want to have those again. If she hospitalizes me again, I won't have a choice.
AAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

[Rohag]

Hello, Shabur.
How have you gotten through similar times in the past?
It seems working things out with the housing assistance people is far more important than showering or journaling. Do you have the focus and energy for just that? If you don't, is there someone to whom you can turn for assistance? (Illinois 2-1-1?)

[shabur]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, Shabur.
How have you gotten through similar times in the past?
It seems working things out with the housing assistance people is far more important than showering or journaling. Do you have the focus and energy for just that? If you don't, is there someone to whom you can turn for assistance? (Illinois 2-1-1?)

Hi Rohag
I usually just suffer through it and work with my Ts. I usually add sessions each week. If it gets out of control I end up in the hospital; don't want to do that.
I can ask my sister to help me with the housing. I just hate doing that. Being my only sibling living near me she, unfortunately, has had to do so much for me. I feel guilty asking her. If I don't hear back from the housing people by tomorrow I may ask my sister in NYC to help. She is incredible at getting through all the crap and she can do it over the phone. My only worry is they may get pissed off and not give me what I'm entitled to.
Thanks for your suggestions. I need to be reminded to reach out when I need help.
Shabur