[GenCat]

She told me today that she wanted me to take a year off from college. We had previously agreed I could go away to college, but because I mentioned a deadline she changed her mind. I told her I wouldn't be happy just working a retail 9-5 job, she said, "you will be unhappy regardless." That really hurt me, and i told her so, but she said it was true. I am assuming she is talking about how I have let my depression run my life. It's true ill still have depression while either away or at home but what she has said to me, things like you make everyone miserable or I am unpleasant to be around really hurts me deeply. I want nothing in the world than to make people happy but I sure got slapped in the face by my mother. I thought we were close but i think we are too close. I am trying to grow away from her and she is smothering me by wanting me to stay around. But i am unhappy at home and want to give it a go away from home. If anything she wouldn't have to put up with my depression if I'm not around. Its obvious to me if I hurt her so much. Just feeling at a loss at to what to do, what to say to her, if anything that will make her open her eyes.

You didn't "let" depression run your life....It's not like you put a "wanted" ad out there...

No offense to any member of your family but there are people that measure their happiness relative to others.

Wow I'm so sorry I think that's often a problem with parents because they believe they know what's best for their kids and that isn't true quite a lot of the time. I know my mom wants me to come home but I just blatantly refuse because I told her this is really something I need to do for myself. If she regulates my sleeping schedule, eating schedule, helps me with getting a job and makes sure I'm safe I will never learn to stand back up on my own. And after explaining that quite a few times she got the message. She still wants to protect me and wants me at home but she also feels guilty at not preparing me better for how harsh the world can be so she's let me go. I know how callous parents can be when their mad. My mother says a lot of terrible things to me when she's angry and yelling and it leaves huge wounds in my heart and a lot of them haven't really healed either but I try my best to overlook it because I know she's trying her best to keep me safe (even though she's not doing it right lol). It's difficult to accept comments like that and I'm not saying you should because you definitely should tell her how what she said really made you feel and how hurt you are for her to say things like that. I find that an open thought policy is best with my mom so I make sure to tell her when she's overstepping her bounds and she's gotten much better and stepping back.

I hope things get better! And feel free to PM me if you want to discuss techniques in dealing with mothers lol

[Altered Moment]

Its perfectly normal at your age to want to get out of the house and to get on your own. It is built into us at that age.

[Clara22]

Hi Gencat,
I am sorry you are going through this. It is one more issue on your plate right now.
It is difficult to me to understand your situation because in the place I live, there is real public education. So, university is for free (unless you want to go to a private university. But in many areas, such as Medicine or Law, public universities are more prestigious than the private ones, so public universities are very popular.). Young people like you do not need a lot of economic support from their parents in order to go to college. They need money to buy books and so on, and a place to live and food in their plates. If they want to study a subject that is not taught in the universities near home, they need to rent a house, in this way, things may get more complicated, but in general, I have seen university students being self-sufficient (by getting a job in parallel to their studies). Or, having their parents to pay for their expenses. living with them or in a different place.
Here, if your parents pay your expenses, they have a say in your life. Some parents practice "laissez fare"; others are very much into their children lives. And the golden rule is :"do you want to do whatever you like with your life? Move out, and pay your bills".
I am giving you all this background so you understand where I come from.
In my opinion, economic self-sufficiency is the key to overcome many situations like yours. It is not the only factor determining the situation, but may have the key to solve the situation. To me, as you depend economically on your parents, they feel they have the right to tell you what to do. We can discuss here is they have this right or not. But it is a fact that if you were economically independent, you could rule your life as you like, and your mom would not have even the opportunity to tell you that "you will be unhappy anyway". We can discuss here if it is your parents obligation to pay for your studies and/or how much a parent should intervene in their children lives.
But the bottom line is that if you were self-sufficient, you could make your decisions fully on your own.
Perhaps this is not the best moment for you to get a job and try self-sufficiency, perhaps it is not smart, given the cost of studying in your country, or your current emotional status, I do not know. But if you see this event from a practical point of view, you can ask yourself what is the best to do in your case, and what are the trade offs you may need to do.
Hope you find a good solution to this particular issue.

[Pierro]

Maybe she needs you more than you think! Just a thought.