[Curupira]

I want to live, more than that I want to thrive but it feels like this depression is out to get me. Every time I get a handle on one part of it, the jerk finds a new way to get me. I feel like this thing is out to get me and won't be happy unless it kills me.

I don't want to die. I know this because last August I nearly did. I had a medical emergency that caused me to nearly bleed out internaly (not self inflicted). And the entire time i fought, clung to life, and Kept breathing. After emergency surgery and a short hospital stay I came home 10lbs lighter very weak but happy to be alive.

I still want to live, but it feels like my body is turning against me. I can't put the weight back on and have actually lost more weight. When the depression is bad I can't make myself eat or the food makes me feel so sick that it comes back up. It's almost like the depression is trying to tell me I don't deserve nourishment or health.

I am sorry for the long post. I am just so scared.

[Altered Moment]

I have not had any appetite lately either. I have to force myself to eat. I usually only eat one meal a day. I think it is a common symptom of depression to affect appetite.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Curupira

When the depression is bad I can't make myself eat...

That makes sense, but...

Originally Posted by Curupira

...or the food makes me feel so sick that it comes back up.

Although depression might be involved here, it is advisable to have this checked out by a medical doctor, especially in light of your experience last year.

Suffering from depression doesn't make you immune to other illnesses. (Some doctors act as if that were true, though.)

[Curupira]

Thanks for this. I am going to try to get on to see my GP. I just feel like my body and the depression are ganging up on me. I fought so hard just to be here and now I have to fight myself just to feel like I deserve to eat. I feel like I am getting the stuffing beaten out of me lately.

Anyways thanks again for listening. I feel like I am whinning all the time so I really appreciate you guys sticking with me.

Depression is like a virus because it's constantly evolving with you. It knows all your weaknesses and where to hit you hardest because it lives in your doubts and fears. I'm sorry that it's taken the love of food away from you though If it took away my love of food I would pretty much live on chocolate and hope that would bring it back. And ice cream.

Keep hanging in there!

[paynful]

Oh my gosh, you are not whinning! I would be scared, too. Definitely see your GP. I know how scary it can be not to be ABLE to put weight back on.

We probably have different situations, but I had a very similar scenerio after I had a major surgery. Between my depression and poor immune system, I dropped almost 20lbs. ...and I kept losing it (couldn't eat and couldn't keep food down). It was years ago (but if I remember correctly), I was given a script for Promethazine (anti-nausea pill). Technically, it was a very mild muscle relaxant (to keep my stomach muscles from spasming). It wasn't a cure-all, but it did help.

Also, if you can drink protein shakes (or even premade shakes like Slim fast or Ensure), it really helps keep up your nutrient intake.

Those are just some things that helped me, though.

I really hope you feel better and the doctor has some insight for you. (If it's not too much trouble, please keep us updated. )

[Curupira]

I promise to update.

I am going to try to get a referal to a nutritionist. I hope they can help me track out calories I need to consume and what nutrient dense foods will be best for me, as well as setting up some kind of eating plan. Currently I drink a lot of kefir which at least has protein and probiotics in it.

One of the few benefits of being a military spouse is that we get full health coverage (it still comes out of the pay) there are less copays and cost sharing so doctors are more likely to refer to a specialist when needed. Especially since most of the time they are in house.

[Altered Moment]

Yeah the not being able to hold food down part doesn't seem like it would be the depression.