I'm so tired of feeling this way, please help

If anyone out there could read all of this and help me get my life back together it would be much appreciated, thanks

Alright so to start things off I am a 16 year old guy who has been been diagnosed with major depression, social anxiety, OCD and ADD and I've lost all hope in everything. I have no friends or family to support me so I'm really starting to think that I'm cursed with bad luck or something. I'm really starting to think nobody cares about me and I just want to kill myself badly right now cause I can't take dealing with this depression and loneliness anymore. I've hit rock bottom and I just don't see the point of life anymore because I can't enjoy anything, and can never be happy.

I am currently seeing a therapist and it's not really helping as I have been dealing with this for 2 years now. I constantly criticize myself and try to think of the easiest way to commit suicide but I can't think of anyways that would be painless and easy. I just can't even describe how I feel and all of the things I'm going through without feeling guilty and because nobody understands how bad I really feel. They always tell me "just get over it" or "man up and deal with it" it makes me feel so much worse when somebody says that so please, if you have any rude comments just keep them to yourself as I really need some positive support right now and am hoping for at least somebody to help me get through this.

I am a junior in high school and plan on graduating early, hopefully this summer as I plan on going to summer school to finish the rest of my classes I need to graduate, then I plan on going to college this fall and the reason why I think it should be better is because you get to go at your own time, don't have to wake up early, might only have to go a few days a week, you get to actually take what you want rather than useless crap that you take in high school, and the best part the people are alot more mature I heard. I'm just so tired of going to high school, I've moved to this new school two years ago and only made one friend but sadly I can't even be myself around him, like I get nervous around everyone due to my social anxiety which is ruining me life

Although I am 6'3, smart, been called attractive by alot of girls, try my hardest to hit the gym 4 days a week, plus I actually try hard in school but still I've never had a girlfriend and probably will never get one due to my extreme nervousness I get when talking to them that I am going to say something stupid or that the'll think i'm weird or something. Also the main reason why I can't wait to escape high school already is because the kids there are so damn immature, i mean I can't even have a normal conversation with anyone there, I feel very different from everyone there and can't connect with anyone, and it's really bothering me

I feel as if I am cursed with bad luck or something because every time I try to get a girlfriend they'll always say that they like me back at first but then out of nowhere, they will just change there mind and I didn't even do anything. I also constantly think about how pointless life seems because i'm going to die someday so why even try? But I mean a little part of me is holding me back from suicide but it's very little and it's the job that i'm currently doing. I am currently making my own apps and games for iPhone and iPad and plan to get it up on the market soon and hopefully make some money off of that. I realize that I do have alot of positives about my self which makes me have high confidence and self esteem at times but rarely. I fell as if the negatives out weigh them because I constantly dwell on those negative thoughts and blame myself for not having any friends and not being able to get a girlfriend unlike my old friends from my old school did. I just feel like something is wrong with me and i'm different from everyone. I am depressed about 90 percent everyday and suicidal thoughts keep crossing my mind and I feel as if I have no help from anyone and that nobody understands, hell if I know.

Also one more major thing that is affecting my life badly that it seems that I am the only one to struggle with is that I over analyze literally every single word, action and even movement that I take! I know your'e probably thinking that maybe it sounds fake but it's real and it's like i'm stuck in this viscous cycle of constantly judging and criticizing every action and movement I make from the prospective of how others see me. I feel like everyone thinks I'm weird because I don't talk in class although I sometimes make an effort to do so or at least show interest by paying attention but still it seems as if people always leave me out and ignore me, I hope it's not true.

Now to sum things up I would really like to thank who ever took the time to read this long story and would really like for someone to point me in the right direction and help me get my life back under control that would really be appreciated, thanks

Hey. I won't ask you how you are doing, you were pretty clear on that. I know that two years seems like a long time before you get out of high school, but it will go by.

Let me ask you this. Do your parents know what is going on? I'm guessing they at least pay for your counselling, although I shouldn't assume. The reason I ask is because i went through hell starting before fifth grade and my parents had no clue. When finally, at 22, my father tried to talk to me, I threw him through the wall. Sometimes they are just oblivious to it.

My guess is that girls are interested in what you appear to be, but once they get close, they sense that something is not right. You can hide a good deal of what you feel, especially if you are a guy, we don't share much, but you can't hide it all. Feelings sometimes speak without you opening your mouth. To be honest, until you get yourself into a better position, you are better off without a girlfriend.

If you haven't gotten anywhere with the therapist you have, maybe he just isn't the right one. Therapists are like friends. You don't become close to everyone you meet. Unless you feel comfortable discussing everything with your therapist, you may be in the wrong place. Just a thought.

You have a lot going for you. Can you pinpoint the thing that holds you back the most? I know I have doors that I can't open in my head without starting a problem. If you can find the main problem, work on it and get it under control, the other ones may be easier to deal with.

Having failed several attempts at suicide, I think I know where you are on that. Usually its not death that you want. Its just getting rid of the pain. Admittedly, your age is one of the worst. I wouldn't go back to that time in my life if you paid me. Even without the extra problems, the teenage years have their share of "normal" problems. Your pain isn't going to go away nearly as fast as you'd like it to. I used to walk for miles just thinking, then driving after I got my license. It didn't solve my problems, but it did give me more insight on myself than someone else could. There is nothing to be gained by picking apart everything you do. (I do it too, so its not just blab). There comes a point where you have to accept who you are, decide what you want to do with your life, and start heading for it. So what if you aren't perfect. Perfect people, or those who think they are can be boring. If its something that you can't change, its not worth worrying about.

I wish I had some straight on answers for you. There just aren't any. One thing i will say is that anything you do now that is negative or hurtfull, will come back to haunt you if not sooner than later. That may seem a long way away now, but its not as long as you think. Never mind people who tell you to "just get over it". There will always be those who don't get it. You will find your way out of this. it may always linger in the corners, or it may fade completely, but at the very least, it will change. Don't let what is eating at you ruin the good parts. Its not easy and its a daily battle, but you can climb out of the hole. It sounds like there are some good things ahead of you, and that is something to work towards. Everything else is just a distraction.

sam2

My own life has been worst even before im born.. u can read about this here but im still trying to hang on

I know exactly how u feel about people telling u to get over it because i got only a few couple of good friends and they all thinking they helping me by try to make me and saying i should get over it.. and suicidal is the worst i can do, but they dont know how it feels like for me or u.. anyway they just wont get it,

You and i are having this same tought about try to hang on with every limit resources we got and i think thats good enough cause at least we still got guts to faced it and try to get a better life.

Believe me.. its been many years im dealing with this and somehow im still here, but i believe someday it will get at the point it will be better for real, and u are smart.. u will have had a better future.

Many girls are just like that mostly when they still teenager.. its hard to find one that is worth for it, im having a hard time with girls and been cheating on few times by my ex, so i think its better to have none at the moment if u cant find the one that can accept u for who u are and not gonna hurts u in any bad way, cause with the things u have to deal with right now, if u get hurts by them, it will be feels even worst.

Last thing i can say is, u got plenty people around the worlds thats having the same or even worst things to deal with than urs, so ur not alone and those many people are still hang on, if u ever need a friends to just talk to or share anything u wanna share.. u got this forum or u can pm me if u like it.

PS: i dont even have Therapist cause i cant afford it, and never talk to any of those.. so this is just a words from my experience.