[Elektra_]

too tired of this crap. there is no place for me

[penguinsing]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

too tired of this crap. there is no place for me

Altough I dunno what happen, but I understand this feelings.

[Elektra_]

clearly doesnt matter. thanks

[punkybrewster6k]

But it has to matter. That is why you are here posting. Dont give up.

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[Elektra_]

i always had o say im sorry for even breathe. nobody was ever wrong, i was to blame lol i have no control of things. i had to swallow everything and then move on. how can i? people made me who i am and what i am isnt good. i should have died years ago

[wa(o)rrior]

hi not everyone has the opportunity to control their lives. things happen. people may have made you who you are now but that that doesn't mean you can "try" - i repeat "try" , to change. you are not dead because there is still some purpose in your life.

[Elektra_]

oh no, there is.. suffer even more lol i would have o change whole me to fit this s.hit world and doesnt seem doable. aint i dead in a way? i don exist o world anymore. i just watch days passing by

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

i would have to change whole me to fit this s.hit world and doesnt seem doable.

I feel as if the world spat me out years ago. Without help, I wouldn't be able to return. With help, I haven't been able to return. Nevertheless, I wish success to all those struggling with depression.

I'm sorry for your agony, Elektra.

[Elektra_]

thanks rohag. im quite resistant to therapy. dunno how much im gona be able to change...

[Idiot17]

So am i. ((((elektra))))

[Helmus]

I know this feeling. It's horrible. A never ending feeling. I wish you all the best

[gayleggg]

elektra You do matter to us.

[Fuzzybear]

Elektra

[Elektra_]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

elektra You do matter to us.

do i?....

[Idiot17]

Yes. ((((elektra))))

[wolfpup54]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

oh no, there is.. suffer even more lol i would have o change whole me to fit this s.hit world and doesnt seem doable. aint i dead in a way? i don exist o world anymore. i just watch days passing by

hey dont change the world is fed up an yeah the world can go with out us an we can watch it but why watch it if you can mess it all up you want control easy say your going to do somthing an dont let any thing stand in your way any thing is doable in this world cause this world is so messed up we can do anything

[Elektra_]

its when we are nice that people treat us like idiots. they think they can step on u and talk about sh.it they shouldnt. it really sucks to be alive

[June55]

I hear you. But its better to take the high road and be nice than to be mean.

I like the spinning daisy. summer, sunshine, flowers, happy.

[Clara22]

Tired of abusers, i tried to be no nice, but that was worse for me, did not feel ok

[Elektra_]

my existence is a pure waste

[paynful]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

my existence is a pure waste

I understand that those feelings are very real for you, but that just can't be true!! Nice guys don't finish last, because they are smart enough not to play "those people's" game.

If you really believe that your existence is a waste, then you have LET those people make you into a door mat. You are BETTER than that. BETTER THAN THEM. You being a nice person... is what really counts in this world.

Those people who think that they can walk all over you... HUBRIS!! The truth hurts, but reality hurts more. YOU ARE THE BETTER PERSON. End of. You only need to know it for youself. The rest of those people can suck on your dust as you leave them in your rearview mirror. They don't deserve you!

Sorry for the angry rant of tough love But some one had to say it

[live2ski66]

Hi Electra,
So sorry you are feeling this bad. Contact me if you want to chat. I've enjoyed your company and contributions in the chat rooms.

[Altered Moment]

I am very treatment resistant to meds and therapy as well. I am somehow trying to find a way to live with this and find some meaning and purpose. I don't think I will ever get rid of the depression but I think I can change slowly over time.

[Elektra_]

i hate this house yet i cant leave. i wish i could have someone to hold me and make me feel safe yet thats mission impossible. more i think about the more i realize my life wasnt supposed to be this sh.it... i thought i would be great yet im just a failure. i have nothing. im nothing. im nobody!!

[Elektra_]

thanks gencat

once again i made an *** of myself.. all i ever had in life was people treating me like an idiot and a shi.t home. i dont even can have the basics that everyone has. wtf am i doing alive? it been almost 4 years with no life at all. when do i die?