Want To Take More Pills

Hey GenCat ~ I am just catching up to this thread. You are on the Ambien train too? Me too. I definitely relate, the wanting to take more, the wanting to sleep until the pain stops.
I'm sorry. I do get that feeling too sometimes.

Because I can't really do that, (some inner self preservation alarm somewhere) I try to be extra nice to myself, give myself permission to be...lazy or distracted or whatever to bide my time. I also cut back on the med, take a half for instance, for a few days, because, as we that have been on this know, it does stop doing it's job after a awhile. And the more you take the worse this funky fog will feel, so, just thought you might want to know that, in case pulling up and out of it, feeling less fuzzy/down, is your hope.

Have you talked to your doc about this drug and its' effectiveness fade? If you are depressed, this might not be the right thing for you right now. Just thought I'd check. Hope you can get a break and rest.

Here for you if you need anything Gen~

I totally get how reading these kind and loving comments can be a trigger. Whenever someone tells me that they don't want me to SI, it makes me want to do it more. It is like the support I receive is a gift and a curse at the same time.

GenCat don't be blaming us and our posts for your behavior. You need to take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
It is not our fault we have this disease, we are not to blame. But we have to be responsible. Own it.

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Im not blaming anyone? You were the one who told me I had amnesia today, so I don't know what your talking about.

No one is trying to blame anyone here. It is really hard to understand someone's intentions through this medium, so please don't take everything you read to heart.

Best of luck to everyone here.

I did not tell you you had amnesia. I pointed to a post you made. I pointed out what happened last time but I never said you had amnesia. I posted the last post because you said you were triggered by reading these posts and would probably relapse tonight.

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just drop it. whats done is done, whats said is said. If I choose to overdose, drink, cut party tonight it is by my own choice. Im still fragile and weak and vulnerable and this hasn't made me grow. so cheers.

I don't believe that you are weak. You are stronger than you think. Think about it, you had the strength to reach out for support on here and post a thread. That shows strength.

I don't understand this, so I'll gracefully bow out of this conversation.

Take care of yourself.

Its one thing to do it, but to come online and announce it, what did you really expect?

Everyone here really cares about you and are reaching out. It would not be their business if you didn't throw the business out in a public forum. But you did, and so, expect people to challenge you on your beliefs.

To throw in my two cents, you should chuck your ambien and tell your pdoc that you have been abusing them. There are other ways to fall asleep. To take several might seem like an obvious solution when one pill doesn't work. But thats a logic my little kid has. When he feels sick he insists I give him ALL the medicine so he can get better faster. Obviously, that is not the answer!

Be safe

That's right it would be your choice. It's a choice we don't want you to make because we care. I have made the choice to get drunk or party many times. I truly do understand and care. I am sorry you don't feel supported by this thread. Sometimes we have to here things we don't want to hear. No one here is gonna tell you go ahead and take a few more or drink yourself to sleep.

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Sometimes I feel this way as well...though if I sleep I have weird disturbing dreams that are hard to deal with, if I am awake I try to get through the day and maybe even enjoy some of the time but am still in pain so basically the dreams I have when I sleep aren't much better. Not to mention usually i can't sleep till around 12 am and I can never sleep past 8 in the morning but usually i wake up earlier.

I just got here. To add my personal experience with Ambien.

I can take one, maybe two Ambiens and it's likely I will fall asleep. I mix it with alcohol, I'll be fine, then pass out and remember nothing.
I take three Ambiens and it is like taking cocaine (not that I have, just descriptions). 3 Ambiens will knock me out cold for about 2-3 hours, then I bolt straight up, completely wired, desperate to crawl out of my skin, and I can't. I try everything, lotion, showers, scratching, nothing works. I eat trying the old wives tale that food will absorb the alcohol and medication. Nothing. Eventually, after wandering around the house, trying to watch TV, surfing the web, it calms down enough where I can go back to bed and lay down.

Sometimes these medications have the opposite effect when you take more than the prescribed dosage.

The same thing happens when you take Benedryl. The active ingredient, dyphenhydramine is an antihistamine which helps you with allergic reactions and a central nervous system depressant, which means it will make you sleepy and groggy. You take one, you can mostly function. You take two, you are out cold for 6 hours. You take 3, you get the same manic reaction I mentioned above. Crawling out of skin, rapid heartbeat, inability to stay still. You can accomplish the same miserable feeling by taking Benedryl with a NyQuil chaser. I learned this the hard way. I hate the discomfort of a cold. I thought if I had the Benedryl and the NyQuil together, I would have a restful sleep, my sinuses would dry up faster, I would be able to breath, and ultimately feel better.