[wanthelp101]

I am hanging on to someone because I think I won't find anyone else. That is gonna be true for at least as long as I am in college, which is 4 more years(trust me on this). What should I do? The relationship is having its ups and downs and sometimes becomes too much to bear and my partner kind of controls it. She dumps me too often and the only reason we lasted for 2 years is because I never let her go when she wanted to. Eventually she would come back and say that she loves me, but now I wonder if its just me who makes it work is it really a true relationship. And also if I end this I am sure to be alone for 4 years.What should I do?

[hvert]

Why does being alone seem like a bad option to you?

[paynful]

I agree, I'm not sure that being alone is such a bad alternative... to being in an abusive relationship. It is abusive if she keeps destroying your sense of self, and then coming back to you like it was nothing.

You said "won't" find anyone else... Why do you think it is out of the realm of possibility?

You will never know if you aren't WILLING to look, or at least, leave yourself open to the options...

I don't know you, so I could be completely off base... but it sounds like... you are clinging to the familiar, because you are afraid of the unknown. Familiar isn't always predictable, safe, healthy, or happy.

Maybe... you should stand up for yourself, because you are worth it. Why else would she keep coming back for you? Don't let her take you for granted. Don't treat yourself like you deserve to be taken for granted and no one else will dare try it.

[ToeJam]

Relationships and full time education are an interesting mix. To be steady in a relationship with all the ups, downs and general what have you is brave and should be on mutual terms.

From my own perspective and on starting a relationship in my second year (we're married now), we both laid down the law from the get go... if the relationship wasn't working/was detracting from our studies then it would be a case of 'hit the road jack'.

We made it work due to trust and commitment to what we wanted... and that's how relationships should be in my opinion.

So I guess my question to you is what is more important?

I can understand the need to need someone, but if the downs outway the pro's... then going it alone can yes... seem scary... but it's your future that you've committed time to study towards.

As for the fear of not finding someone else... that will come... but, yeah prioritize what you 'need'

I don't have to tell you of the effects of her manipulation on your self-esteem do I?

School is good to socialize, but primarily it's a place to LEARN.
So, Focus. Be brilliant.

There is NOTHING as sexy as an intelligent man.