[kristi69]

I have a strange problem. I am a therapist who is dealing with depression myself. So far the children that I work with haven't noticed how depressed I am, but I know that if I don't get a handle on myself they will be able to see it. I just resigned from my job, and in a couple of weeks I will have no job or income, and I've got a short-term financial cushion, but after that I have no idea of what I'm going to do. I don't sleep well, I have nightmares, and I can't seem to shake this depression. I started taking Prozac that worked wonderfully in the past, but now it isn't helping anything. I feel like I have hit rock bottom without any hope of improvement. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason, but what if I'm wrong. What if there is no great master plan. What if I just changed my life drastically for no good reason. I can't seem to see the positives, and I can't seem to think my way out of this this time. I have no energy, no motivation, and no hope. A coworker stated that I have caregiver fatigue, and I deal with children with depression everyday, but I feel like a failure because I can't seem to overcome my own depression. I feel like a hypocrite. I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions are welcome ones.

[Mysterygirl202]

Hello friend. I just posted some practical ideas of how I am dealing with depression myself. I am sorry you feel like this. KNOW THIS though. That there is a plan. And it's not for nothing. In my college bible study group we just went through a book called "Trusting God" (stay with me here please)- And in one of the chapters we talked about how God doesn't waste pain. Every moment has a purpose. And for those who know Him- it is only for our good.

Also- as you should know and remember being a therapist that all battles of the mind are Bio-Psycho-Social (and I liked to add Spiritual as well to that list). So you know that only taking Prozac helps the Biological part of it. Not the Psych- or Social part. And trust me when I say I know how it feels when you feel like a hypocrite. I went around for four years at my highschool being a "leader" and "inspiration" for middle schoolers and the elementrary when the whole time I had been in my own deep sin of self injury and self focus that came out through various destructive forms. You'd be surprised though how understanding people will be. I had the chance to tell my school and share my story and everyone was extremely kind.

You can do it. I believe in you. I hope you find this peace that I have now. It's a peace far greater than any temporary peace.

Please check out my post on just some practical things that have helped me.

Feel free to message me for support and more LOVE

Also- It would be humbling... but it would be a good idea for you to make sure you have someone to talk to. No one is meant to be alone.

Love- Mystery

I'm so sorry. I have a theory that if you are below a certain point, then you need outside intervention to get above it....and only then can you do the things for yourself that you are supposed to in order to live with depression.

So that would be therapy and/or meds. Perhaps you need to try a few different ones, or a combination....

[regretful]

Hello and welcome from a fellow depressed clinician. I left my job last September due to some institutional politics...no cushion, no income...I was hospitalized in late Dec for a week. I don't view myself as a failure - I've been at this profession for nearly 20 years. Depression does not discriminate. I certainly don't want to be depressed, but I am. I've beaten it before, but I'm in the throes of it now.

I have been on five different medications with varying degrees of success. Lexapro worked well the first time, then it didn't the second and third times around. Cymbalta worked, and I stopped taking it...med and depression free, or so I thought. Then on to the hospital and mirtazapine (bad med for me), finally on effexor for about the past 4 weeks...jury is still out on this one...

In the meantime, I'm facing similar worries of hopelessness, no energy, no motivation. But, I'm in therapy, participated in pastoral counseling, and am picking myself up with those things. I'm in pursuit of another job as a clinician. For me, it wasn't the work that I was doing, but the conditions under which I was doing that work.

Best to you...

[Altered Moment]

I have no energy, no motivation, and no hope.

Sounds like major depression to me. I have never been able to think my way out of a deep depression either. All the CBT and meditation and mindfulness just don't cut it.

How long have you been taking the prozac?
Can you apply for unemployment benefits?
Does your state have a temporary disability program? I know CA does.

I agree with sophiesmom this thing is bigger than you can handle on your own and you should seek a pdoc and a T. Even if you are a T yourself. There is no shame in that. A doctors worst patient is himself.

[paynful]

This is probably the LAST thing you want to hear right now, but the silver lining is there. You may decide to go back into your field or you may choose a different path in the future. But even this torturous experience has value.

I can't tell you how many professionals I have seen that were trying to help me through my depression... and had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what they were talking about. I'm not saying they were bad at their jobs or bad people, but it was like they were trying to convince me that their text book should be my bible and my cure. Follow Step #1, Step #2, etc. It's just not that simple.

Maybe the master plan for you.. involves FEELING and being able to empathize with those children on an entirely different level. You are an adult with knowledge, intelligence, education, and venacular that those children don't possess, yet. Most of the time children have difficulty articulating their feelings and symptoms. Their moods and behaviors can often be misinterpreted. Now that you KNOW what they are going through, you will be a better advocate and healer... help to give them a voice. Before you were educated, now you are seasoned.

[GenCat]

Im sorry you are struggling with this. My own T shares her stories of struggles with depression and anxieties. I find comfort in knowing the person who is helping me can really relate to me and my depression and anxiety. We are only human afterall, no one is a superhero. Im sure the children you care for love you and would accept you and your depression. Children are very understanding that way. May I ask did you quit your job because of the depression?