[aemm]

Hello,

About 3 years ago I started to feel differently about myself in a negative way. I hated who I was. I later realized that I had become depressed. I was diagnosed by a doctor for having reactive depression. I had a rough year with my dad being sick, school and being in a verbally abusive relationship. When I had depression I felt like I loss my identity and I was no longer the woman I thought I was.

I went for help and was put on anti-depressants. I deleted the abusive man from my FB and my phone...and I made peace with the way that he treated me. I was on meds for a year and a half and I was taken off them in Dec 2013. I felt like I had beat depression...and I started to remember who I was again.

What I didn't realize was that depression could be beaten but that I was still scared of snapping back into that state of mind. I found a man I really liked...he knew about my depression and my past with the abusive man. He didn't care. I then became a little too vulnerable and since he has his own issues to deal with he told me he needed to back off because he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I wasn't so much hurt by the rejection, but hurt that he made me sound like I could break again. I realized he was right and I wasn't ready for a serious relationship either.

Now I am wondering how to rediscover who I am. How do others fully recover from depression? Are others scared of snapping back into depression after they beat it?

[Maria38Divine]

Hi Aemm,

I think whether or not you bounce back or how quickly you bounce back depends on the type of depression. I have major depression, which not only affects my mood, but also my memory, concentration and ability to connect with my environment. Now, will I recover fully? I believe so. Wishful thinking? Maybe, but I still hope. And that hope keeps me researching and applying various remedies to correct it--diet, exercise, social interaction, sunlight. I've had some success so far. I still have my down days and struggle a bit with the other symptoms, but I don't quit. And (more importantly) I don't live in fear of the bad days. If they do come, I deal with them and look forward to a better tomorrow.

Please don't live in fear of your depression returning. If it was caused by a series of life events, I believe you'll overcome. The fact your doctor took you off meds is a good sign. Now, you'll have moody days and there may be other events that trigger a depressive episode, but so long as your brain remains healthy, I believe you'll overcome.

[paynful]

I wish I could be helpful, but I am at a loss here.

Know that reaccurance is a HUGE fear... a realized fear for me.

You aren't alone in feeling a loss of identity, but there is hope. Keep your faith... faith in yourself and a larger purpose.

I'm sorry you are adrift. Hang in there and keep posting