[Fleury29]

It seems like most of my life consists of people complaining about me behind my back, and if I realize it's going on and either try to ask what the problem is they just ignore me, or ignore me if I tell them to stop. Apparently it's ok to complain about people behind their back, but if I have a problem with anyone I'm the one in the wrong. How am I supposed to know what to fix if no one will TELL me I'm doing anything wrong? Is this normal? All I want is for someone someplace to just tell me what it is I can do, rather than backbiting, and occasionally yelling at me. That solves nothing. Am I wrong in wanting feedback from someone? Or should I just go through life expecting people to yell at me without anyone at all on my side of things? I'm confused and a lot hurt.

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SOME people will certainly back bite. And just as true - some will not.

I think you have every right to be confused and hurt. But do not believe that everyone is like this......

It sounds like you need to distance yourself from those who have shown to be acting in a very unChrist-like fashion.

Gods blessings to you.

[ToeJam]

In a situation like that there isn't much you can do to change it. People are as they are... but look at it this way, it's their problem. If they are unprepared to discuss it... unprepared to find a middle ground or resolution to the issues... then as I said... it's their problem.

So, my advice would be to essentially give them a two finger salute and cease worrying about it. If the only discomfort is words, and it's not actually impinging on your day to day activities (with this I would suggest avoiding any involvement with them unless it's necessary) then just keep being you.

No point bending over backwards or playing a guessing game with those who are ignorant



Cudos to UM for sharing a theological point... but if like me, you're not of faith... then just consider it as them not having basic common decency... which again... is not your problem.

Originally Posted by ToeJam

.... but if like me, you're not of faith....

We can work on that anytime you want.

But kudos to you too. Well stated in a less religiously-pushy mode.

[Altered Moment]

Who are these people? Like friends at school? or acquaintances? Or family?

[Fleury29]

People I know, not family members, but people who eventually come to know me, decide there is a problem, like at work instead of someone telling me hey could you work on this, and me knowing something isn't right, I ask a coworker what I'm doing wrong I get "ohh no, you're fine." Then I get to have a little chat with my boss, who isn't pleased with my performance, and there's nothing I can do or say at that point. Shouldn't someone instead of being polite to my face, and criticizing me behind my back.

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[mulan]

From my experience even when we know that people for some reason don't have the best idea about us, and just that fact hurts by itself. Believe, many times hearing what that really have against you can be more painfull.

Just because people think you are not doing things right and you need to change, it doesn't really mean that you need to change or that is even your fault.
I had some people complaining about me and telling me what I did wrong, and I barried myself more and more, trying to do things right, because I couldn't...but if I tried to say it, they would said to me that I didn't even try.

[Fleury29]

That's how I feel, like whatever I do isn't good enough and no one seems to even notice if I do try, and anything slightly out of the ordinary just means I wasn't doing anything differently. Why do people act like this?

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