Why is it that society puts so much pressure on us to follow certain life paths? I mean you are expected to start a family, have a decent job, set rules, have that nice house in the suburbs with the lovely shiny car, and to me it just feels so plastic and like a set of a movie. Why are those who don’t want these things perceived as odd or boring, like people think if you don’t want a family or big goals you just are different or awkward just for the sake of it. Getting married, finding houses to live in, buying clothes, having children, all these things even the thoughts of them cause me major stress, for the thoughts even to process in my mind is stressing.
I sometimes think I over run these things inside my mind, but you should never rush into that stuff without thinking about it. Why would you have a kid if you could not provide it with the best things in life? The best clothes, the best toys, the best environment for them to flourish? Maybe I am just a perfectionist about such things, but I would hate for my kid to grow up to be a failure? Does that make me sound horrible? Is that cold and emotionless to suggest that? Should I love a future child be them a failure or a success? Is having a kid a selfish thing in the first place? Do half of us just have a few kids in the hope that they may be a success in life and they will provide us with money and vacations? That they will wipe the saliva from our mouth when we are 90 and barely even know what day it is? Is that part of the depressing facts of life?
Kids don’t excite me. I like them I just don’t see myself with any. I always worry what a crap dad I would be. How sad it would be on a lovely sunny day for my kids to want me to go play in the park with them, only for me to say ‘hey kids, dad feels very sh!!ty today, go play alone, I will stay in bed, go with you mother.’ As if a depressed guy like me would be fun to be around on my bad days. Avoiding family events, eating dinner alone, not interacting with my family, it would be unfair on them so why inflict it on them. I really just wanted to write some of this out, I don’t know what to expect, these are just some of my thoughts.

[ToeJam]

Reading that so reminded me of Trainspotting:



Hard though it can be, it's probably easier to not worry too much what the future holds or how others will perceive us.

[Altered Moment]

Our culture has alot of values that are kind of screwy. I had a girl friend once who suffered from depression and she had her tubes tied because she said there was no way she was having a kid with a depressed mom.

I am reading a book and I am kind of on this kick about how our culture does not value suffering. You are expected to be happy all the time and if you are not you are expected to snap out of it, do something to fix it. Our culture does not value or embrace or ennoble suffering for its own sake. Many people suffer and can do nothing to change it. I was thinking of starting a post on it.

[paynful]

Thank you for posting this. I struggle with this often.... expectations and hope versus reality. Every time I build up hope of having a happy future... fear pops up and over rides.

I worry about these things... the future... and have felt that there is no point in hoping for a future with a family of my own. I would feel unbelievably selfish to inflict my state on people that I love... let alone hypothetical children. Even if I found a man to share my life with... he would be of sound mind and consent. Bringing in a child who had no say... feels selfish of me and abusive to them.