[chromegirl]

I've been on effexor xr and seroquel for MDD and GAD for six weeks now, titrating the doses of both slowly. A couple of weeks ago I thought I was turning a corner, feeling somewhat better.

And then...boom...I got two bouts of bad news. Some bad news health news about a family member I am extremely close to, and then another piece of bad news about another.

Ever since I got those two pieces of bad news, I am a wreck again. I don't know what this means about the efficacy of my meds. I feel like I keep getting kicked over and over.

I go back to the pdoc in two weeks. I am so tired and weary.

[glok]

Hello, chromegirl. An adjustment of your medications may be in order. You might see if your psychiatrist will respond to a phone call which would allow you to explain your current dilemma. Also, if feasible, you might ask to be put on the list of those to be called in the event of a cancellation before your scheduled appointment.

Good luck.

[Fuzzybear]

[Altered Moment]

Meds are not usually the total solution. Situational triggers can be very powerful and overwhelm the progress you made on the meds. If they were working and increase in dose maybe in order. Getting lots of support can help a great deal with what you are dealing with.

[chromegirl]

Thanks. I am trying to hang in there until my next pdoc appointment. What is driving me nuts is the ruminating, particularly about my daughter. I know it is not helpful yet I can't stop. I caved in yesterday and the day before and took 1 mg ativan during the day (I almost never take it). It did help, definitely took the edge of the anxiety. I know it is not a longer term solution though, just something to get me through when the going is really bad until I get back to the pdoc.

[Altered Moment]

No shame in taking Ativan. Some of us rely on benzos everyday. A part of the solution for many of us in spite of the risks that come with them.

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[chromegirl]

I was really a wreck this morning. Everyone I talked to, I ended up getting weepy with. I am feeling guilty for feeling this bad (because really, on paper my life isn't so bad...it is rather great), feeling like I am not the mother to my kids (one of whom is going through something big right now) that they deserve. I am barely keeping up at home. My amazing boyfriend is very patient and loving and I want to be the person I really am...not like this.

So because I just couldn't stop crying (which oddly felt better than feeling NOTHING) I ended up taking a klonopin (1 mg, to see what the effect would be compared to ativan, 1 mg). It hit me harder, and now I just feel flat. I did manage to get a few things done though, which I guess is something.

I guess I am just now counting the days until my pdoc appt. Whether it is the extraordinary stress I have been under, or these meds I am on aren't quite right...or a bit of both factors, I am just sick of it all and want to feel like life is worth living again

[chromegirl]

Another day feeling like this. It is beautiful and sunny out, my kids want to do something fun and I just want to curl up and hide. I feel like I am failing them.

[chromegirl]

I can't shake this. I either feel just flat and low, or I start to get anxious. When will this end? I try to tell myself that I have beaten this every other time it has hit me (this is my 4th episode of depression in my life, I am 47) so it is just a matter of time and meds tweaking but I just feel so down right now.

I got myself out of bed this morning just long enough to get the kids their breakfasts and lunch and see them off to school...and then I went back to bed for two hours. Finally got myself up, managed a shower, and am trying to get some things done at home so that I don't feel like a complete loser. I called my pdoc's office to see if I could get in this week instead of next (when my actual appointment is), of course I got the answering machine. I really hope I can get in sooner, i need something to change because I feel like my life is escaping me.