[Kindheart17]

So to update everyone. I lost the job I got part time. I asked for feedback and there was nothing really. They wanted to go in another direction. So again I'm back where I started. People tell me is my way of thinking that I have to let go all that's happening to me. But how little they know of what I'm feeling right now struggling with no job, not a stable place to call my home and not knowing where my next paycheck is coming from and to add to everything else dealing with my husband dumping me and moving on with his life while I try to built the pieces back together. It hurts so much that he didn't take into consideration that ending everything and throwing me out of the house was at the worts timing ever. He made so many promises. I supported him all this time and when he got his life together he dumps me while at the same time mines falls apart. Is not fare. Yet I still look for him. I still try to contact him and in my mind make some kind of excuse for the reason he acts this way even if he tells me in plain English. I don't want you I don't love you I don't care for you. I can't process it. I can't let go. I am still in denial even if it happened almost two months ago. I am still as it happened yesterday. I keep trying but losing this job again. Just want to give up. I was trying so hard. I don't know what to do and how to change my mind. How can I stop been so hurt if I lost everything and I am in pain my heart is broken. When did people stop been compassionate and human? Why am I expected to just move on. Not even my own sister understand. The sister that I raised when my mom died of breast cancer and I was 17. The sister I put my life on hold to give her everything. Not even her has offered to be there for me or taken time to spend with me. Only through a weekly text message. I am unimportant to the world. A useless waste of space. What is the purpose of my life. Why I am here? I don't get it. I am not important to anybody. I don't even know how to put myself first . How does one do that? I am still putting my ex first worrying about him 24/7. I can't seem to forget him. Only when I was at work I focus on my work because I know you may think that's why I got fired. But I was at work I was me again. I don't get it. Is like life just keep knocking me down. And I don't have it in me to get up.

[paynful]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry that you have to go through another set back.

I think you are right, though. It's time to learn how to put yourself FIRST. It is easy to put others as a priority, because then you don't have to think on your own problems. No more pushing yourself to the back of the line!!

You deserve ...well, you deserve everything you have been denying yourself. You deserve to be taken care of like you have taken care of everyone else.

I'm not sure this suggestion will make sense, but... can you picture yourself in the third person? If someone you cared about (a friend or family member) came up to you, and described similar circumstances... what advice would you give them?

It's time to put yourself first! Don't talk yourself out of it, because of some nonsense feelings of guilt or selfishness (that could just be habitual low self-esteem talking). Time to do things selfishly!!! YOU are the priority!!

Now you've paid your dues to others. No more being a martyr for people who don't deserve you. Now it's time to put in as much time and effort into taking care of yourself as you have put into taking care of others in the past. You are worthy! Time to act like it.

[Kindheart17]

Thanks for this @payful. I hope you are having better days. Sending you much love my friend. Thanks for your response means so much. Take care