[Always be a unicorn]

I've been coping pretty well over the last couple of weeks. While I haven't had an attack in a while, I have been getting bouts of loneliness recently. It was never anything serious and didn't usually last long so I didn't think too much about it.

Then today it all came back. It started in out in the morning as a feeling of severe loneliness, before escalating to full-on depression. I tried to fight it, force it back but obviously this only made it worse. Then, in a lecture later in the morning, I started experience a panic attack. I managed to hide it during the lecture but as soon it was over I ran back to my room as fast as I could. I collapsed on my bed and started hyperventilating heavily. This eventually progressed into a crying fit which lasted about ten, maybe fifteen minutes.

I've managed to calm down a bit, but am still pretty shaken and exhausted by the whole ordeal. Worse still, I've begun having... dangerous thoughts, which I thought I'd gotten over. I'm scared that this could be the beginning of a serious regression.

[Rose76]

It's awful disappointing to slip down after an extended period of feeling relatively well. (I've been through it.) I think the key that you've identified is the loneliness. If you can possibly draw on the human contacts you have for more support, try to do that. Also, try to expand that support circle.

Being at a lecture is like being alone because you don't really have to interact. In a way, I think it can feel more lonely because you are surrounded by people and yet you may be uninvolved with them.

If counseling is available at your school, check it out. It is reasonable to expect that this slip back will not be permanent. That you went a good while without feeling bad shows that you are resilient and do have the capacity to right yourself, emotionally. It can get easier with some moral support from someone you can trust. I hope you have someone IRL to turn to. Meanwhile, you have us here. Let us know how you are doing.

[Curupira]

I have been backsliding lately as well. I am sorry you are going through this. I can empathize.