It's all coming back and I can't help it. I haven't been on here in so long because I've kept convincing myself that I'm okay and that everything is fine. Especially since moving schools and trying to start fresh but nothing has changed at all. It's coming back.. the depression, the hurt, the pain. I've been pushing it deeper and deeper refusing to admit that it hurt and now its back.

I know its common for teens to go through depression but it doesn't feel common. It's not supposed to hurt so much is it.
I've pushed everyone away and faked a smile everyday. I've got friends I guess. I've got a roof over my head and food to eat. I'm relatively safe. So nothing to worry about right? No. Cause I'm still not "happy" whatever that even is.

I haven't self-harmed in so long and people say that's a good thing but to me that would be better than what I feel now. I'd prefer to physically destroy myself then mentally destroy myself the way I am. I just f*cking hurt and I can't stand it, I can't even cry anymore its like it hurts too much to even show it. It physically hurts me, my chest is in pain, I feel like I can't breathe. I don't want to go anywhere, do anything.
And more than ever I want to bring a blade to my skin and just let it out like if I do all the pain will leave my body and I'll be okay again.

[Idiot17]

Not much to say except know that you are not alone in feeling such.
Hope the pain eases shortly.
((((((jaysmiley))))))

[Altered Moment]

Everywhere you go there you are.

Are you getting any help for all of this. It really hard being a teenager plus depression on top of it. All the expectations. I drank and used drugs to deal with it. I don't recommend this. Can your parents help you get help? Or get help at your school? I would hate to see you self harm after doing so good in that regard.

I was in therapy for about a year but then my parents took me out and I wasn't allowed to go any more because I refused to let them come in on my sessions and tell them everything. Because most of what I spoke about was them.

[healingme4me]

individual counseling, is one on one. Even as kid/teen, it was individual,,minus a couple family sessions, or portions of sessions, and sometimes, t would consult for a moment.

Your parents, would have had that expressed.

Even pediatric appointments, after age of 12, it's one on one with the doctor.

Sorry, they stopped sessions, that you found beneficial. Who doesn't talk about their parents?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Idiot17]

My parents also took me out of therapy since it was all about them.
((((jaysmiley))))