I debated whether to put this post in the Transgender Forum or the Depression Forum. But since I post quite a bit in the Transgender Forum, I decided to post this one here. I guess it could also have gone in the Anxiety Forum, or in the... (well, you get the idea... )

I am my own worst enemy. I have a passion for trying to help every young transsexual person I run across... every older one too, for that matter. Unless I can help others with similar problems, my lifetime of struggle means nothing. But spending time pondering these issues, causes them to keep flooding back.

In addition to my lifetime of struggles with Gender Identity Disorder (GID), I've also struggled with major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, & several other related problems. In my saner moments, I know I need help. (In my not-so-sane time periods, I am convinced there's really nothing wrong. I'm just a normal everyday sort of guy. )

But how can I even begin to address problems related to depression & anxiety, etc. when there is this proverbial 800 lb. GID gorilla sitting in the room with me... no... worse than that... sitting on my lap... riding around on my back? I can't do anything about this crazy GID-dzilla! I can't get rid of it. I can't get past it. And I can't begin to do anything about my depression & anxiety, etc. until I do. It's hopeless

[paynful]

While I wouldn't wish your struggles upon anyone, let alone a kind hearted soul such as yourself, I think it must be said that I am grateful that you are who you are.

It isn't easy living with these obstacles. The fact that you are strong and wise enough to let other people share in your problems and solutions ...is HUGE. You might not have found a solution to ease all of your suffering, but you are still compassionate and continue to help others by talking about what has helped you. That can't be under-valued or over looked... even when it seems to be a double-edged sword.

My own struggle is... well, just that ...a struggle. Lately, I feel very disconnected (today especially), and I wasn't sure if I should bother coming on PC, because it seems like a very bleak and hopeless world. I'm glad I did when I read your post.

We don't have the same cause or specific issues, but I can identify with the change in day-to-day switch in attitude towards "recovery." I guess we'll just have to keep bidding our time until... I'm not sure?... until we can reconsile this life with one that we think we should've had... or until our gradtitude out weighs our doubt and pain?

Like I said, I'm not sure what my end goal is that I'm working toward, but thank you for sharing and helping me feel like I'm not completely crazy. Sometimes it's easy to forget that I'm not alone in my world of hurt. Knowing that I'm not the only one helps. I hope you find something that will help you through today, so you may have a better tomorrow.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Skeezyks, I'd say that you not only try to help other people but that you no doubt make a massive difference to people with your insight and advise!! But while it is really important to you to help people and it allows you some satisfaction it has to take a lot out of you too, sometimes taking you to places that you don't really want to be (??).
And in all of this you're sometimes forgetting the most important person- YOU!! Sure you can help people (and please don't stop trying!!) but you've really got to consider YOU a bit more, do you think? And give yourself a bit of a break.
You can't possibly be responsible for him, her, him, her, him............but if you can just help him, her, him............then that in itself is absolutely priceless!!! And you are a big asset in whatever advise/wisdom/support you give.
And the rest of your focus.......on you!!! I know it might seem the main thing that helps you in helping others but you deserve so much more too!! So maybe if you can show some more compassion/empathy to YOU it's going to be easier to let go a bit and get the help for you that you should have more oftoo.
So real good on you for posting this thread (and some of the others telling us how you're feeling!!), don't stop, we want to be there for you!!
And as for the GID-dzila I'm not so sure that you can just get it off your lap/back, but if you can nudge it just a little further to one side, bit by bit, inch by inch, slowly, slowly then gradually over time you might find yourself more free of it. While it's there though you can maybe acknowledge it but let it know that it's not going to hold you back as much as it thinks it is. OK may only work as much in your stronger moments, but every victory really does mean something and puts it that little bit more "back in it's place". And even "small" things can really count, if you can just recognize them for what they really are (massive!!!).
And of course, talk to us, tell us about it, let us try to understand and be there for you.
Probably gone on long enough, haven't I??!!
So to finish.........here for you!!!



Alison