[M.Admira]

Im not sure what exactly to say
So....., a few months ago I was recommended to get further testing for depression but felt so embarrassed I never went. For the last 2years plus Iv felt quiet flat, bored and irritable. I put it down to my studies but since finishing every things remained the same, flat and repetitive.

Regularly I get bored and start doing things to keep my mind occupied but halfway through Ill loose motivation and either stop or do a half ***** effort. I cry almost everyday and sometimes more than once and get extremely irritable and feel so guilty and end up curling up in a corner for comfort or laying in the fetal position for upwards of 20minutes. I feel easily overwhelmed and stress myself out to the point where i have anxiety attacks and feel like I'm going to be sick.
In addition:
- I suffer from digestive issues
- I like my own space 90% of the time, my heart races and I feel nauseous if i can't get it like I'm trapped
- Depression runs on my mothers side of the family
- I have disruptive sleep and wake up from 3 to a dozen times in one night
- The way I feel has effected my relationship with my boyfriend, makes me feel distant from my family and caused me to quit my last job
- Iv contemplated taking my life, but never taken any attempts

Im sure Iv forgotten things , but it gives everyone some sort of a insight. So to you all i ask, Am i just over-reacting in even remotely thinking believe I might have depression or do I just have a "miserable" personality which everyone labels me with...

cheers, M.

[dandylin]

It sounds like you are a good candidate...to me anyway

[regretful]

From my perspective, this sounds like depression. I was diagnosed with it four years back. I knew it from those things that you identified...distanced from others, crying for no reason, unstoppable feelings of guilt, insomnia, constantly thinking about not being alive, and simply a down mood...In my case, therapy and medication helped in the past; it's helping again as the depression remitted for about a year. It's not a life sentence as mine was exacerbated by an unemployment situation. I hope that this helps, and hope that you can find some help through the supportive folks here on Psych Central.

[bronzeowl]

You described a lot of the symptoms I experience during a depressive episode.

Honestly, I question whether anyone can have a "miserable" personality without qualifying for a diagnosis of a mood disorder. As being miserable can really... drive one mad.

People will call you miserable. People know about my diagnosis and STILL call me a miserable person, or act as though I stare into space for hours to spite them or something. Those people, I find, aren't often worth the effort. You cannot explain depression to someone who doesn't understand.

Part of depression (and many psychological conditions) is denial. It's common to wonder if the depression is just in your head, or if you're exaggerating it and your behavior is just 'normal' for you.

You just described depression. You're not overreacting.

[littlemiss44]

I agree with the others...you sound like you have classic depression hun. It has NOTHING to do with a fault in yr personality. You are a good person with a debilitating disorder. Please know that. It sucks the life right out of you. It strikes when we least expect it. You are not alone. Not being able to work is hard. I had to go on ssd because of my illness. I hope you get some relief soon. Take care of yr self.

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