When to go???

I feel like I am stuck in my own world of drama.... and it is growing old even for me.

Serious question here - when do you know that it is time to go in-patient?

I have had a number of suicide attempts (a dozen-plus legit attempts). I think about it pretty much every day. I have been on five or six meds - none seem to help.

I do not have a "plan", but I think when it happens it will be spontaneous. Like a couple weeks ago I was driving down the highway and I started to climb out the sunroof at 75mph. I have often fantisized about just surfing the roof until I fell off....... When the wind really hit my face I realized what I was doing and sat back down in the drivers seat.... I didn't **plan** anything - it was just surreal.

so my legit question is - when do you know that you need to go back to the hospital????

It sounds like you may need to go to the hospital. You are attempting to hurt yr self. You have intentions and I don't want you to go to far. Don't hesitate to go. It can be very helpful and get you stabilized.

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

I believe exactly the same regarding myself.

My pdoc, whom I've seen regularly for over a decade, judges that inpatient "would not be therapeutic for me" (almost his exact words). But that only applies to me.

Would the pharmacology and therapy available in inpatient eliminate or reduce the chance that that incident you mentioned would recur?

I realize you may not be able to answer this question. Can you talk soon with someone who well knows inpatient services in your area?

Hi UM, got to say that it's really brave of you to be thinking about that. It shows a lot of strength, a lot of courage, a lot of fight!!
And what you're really saying is that not much is working, you need more, right?? And you know I'd ABSOLUTELY say you deserve more!! Without any shadow of a doubt you don't deserve to be feeling the pain you've been feeling!!
So, it's the help you've been lacking right, not a weakness of yours, you just need the right help!!
I'd say that it shouldn't have to be your responsibility to decide on the right help for you, why should you, you're going through enough already, right?
So do you think you could maybe get an emergency appointment with a pdoc, or visit ER and have them assess you and let things go from there? Let them make the assessment.
[Got to apologize if those aren't options as I'm not from over there, just things I think I've picked up!!!]
Afterall you don't want to not go into hospital if you really need to, and you don't want to "talk yourself" into hospital if there may be other options.
Just try to give them all the background you can, and whatever the result, the most important thing is that it should be in your best interests. And I certainly would really like the best for you, regardless!!
Alison

I have to agree with littlemiss. You sound very much on the edge of hurting yourself. Go now before you do something you will regret.

I hope you're okay, love! It does sound like you may no the answer already. If you are thinking of suicide then I may be time to go in and get a little extra help. Message me if you need to please !

I wish I knew. I think about hitting the ol' delete button every day... every hour of everyday. My pdoc knows it. I often wish someone would just scoop me up & put me there. But no one does. I won't / can't ask... don't want to... I'd say, though, that if you're actively making gestures toward that end... the time has come...

I agree that you should go in, get some additional help. My suicidal actions tend to be spontaneous too; I'll think about it for weeks/months with the control to not act on it, and then one day something will set me off and I'll find myself standing on the ledge or on the verge of swallowing pills.

My ex-therapist told me to go to the ER whenever the urges got so bad they scared me. Now, I've never actually listened to this advice because I'm really scared of the hospital and I hate spending money. But as my therapist said, an ER visit is less expensive than a funeral.

I really hope that you find a way to feel better soon, with or without the hospital.

Follow up.......

On Tuesday I basically FLED work (claiming migraine). I started to drive home but knew I could not do it safely. Ended up calling my DBT therapist and asked her the same question (how do you know when you need to go in-patient). I told her I felt like I was being a bit of a drama queen - but she knew my head better than anyone.....

Obviously she was pretty concerned, but we worked a safety plan of drive a couple miles. Then get out and do a brisk (1/4 - 1/2 mile walk on the side of the highway) and then drive for another couple miles. My 35 minute commute ended up being about 75 minutes - but I got home safe.

On Wednesday I felt somewhat better, but still kind of rattled. So I stayed home and slept as much as i could.

I was able to obtain my *new* meds (wellbrutin ?sp) and started them yesterday.

There was one other issue - but I do not want to post that because I fear it would be upsetting to some.......

THANK YOU ALL for your support.

Glad you stayed home yesterday, UM. Sounds like you really needed a day off to clear your head. Good job.

Hi UM, great that you're OK (ish?) and have something in place to hopefully help you feel a bit better with the new meds.
Although it can take some time for changes in meds to kick in so maybe as much about trying your best to hang in there- with us here for you as well, of course!!!
Re the "other issue" you've got the "triggering" icon on your post anyway, so.................
But if you really, really don't want to post it, definitely put me on the list of people you feel you can PM about anything!! Please!!
Alison

UM, it was a wise thing for you to call your therapist. I am thankful for her. You showed self care in what you did. It sounds like your BPD is trying to bring you down. Challenge it. You can do this! Sometimes self care means asking for help. I want to commend you for your efforts.
You have been supportive and encouraging to so many of us. I will be praying for Jesus Christ to stand with you and uphold you.

I don't know how you can make it work everyday??? When I am that seriously depressed there is not way I can work. Everyone is different though. If you go in hospital some states like CA have disability insurance that you pay into just like unemployment. And you can collect on that if you state has it. Then there is the Family Leave Act but I don't know anything about that.

how do I go to work???

Well I **show up for work** - but trust me, I do not do any work. Sometimes I hide in the bathroom for an hour or (literally) as much as two hours at a time.

PROVING that my bosses are clueless.

where I live there are crisis centers where you can get help- but dont have to go inpatient. Its only available when your in a crisis though. Check to see if you have any near you

last time I discussed such thoughts I was brought to in-patient by the cops for a lovely six day stay...........

Did that six day stay help at all?

I have been involuntary committed to a hospital by a harsh mental health person, but the stay was okay.

I have discussed it with my pdoc, even having a plan, and he never even hinted at sending me to the hospital. One time I think he for sure should of sent me........but I just went back to my hole and continued to think and plan.

I guess they are all different in how serious they take that law.