so tired

hello. this is my first time posting here, as you can see. i'm not really sure how to do this, so i guess i will just write out what i feel. forgive me though, it's kind of hard to write things out.
i am a college freshman. i haven't been doing too well in my classes and i skip most of them. i've missed probably half of my math classes because i felt inadequate. my math teacher calls on me for answers and i don't reply because i dont know the answer and even if i do know the answer i cant get the words out. the fact that this happens just makes me so angry and anxious that i stopped going. i just feel low. and the more i stop going the guiltier i feel so that makes me not want to show up even more. for my history class its the same thing.
the only things i feel are sadness, nervousness, guilt, and anger. the smallest things infuriate me and i can remember them for months and years on end. i get so angry at my friends about the most trivial things, it makes me dizzy. it feels like my brain has been shook. most of the time i keep it inside but sometimes it shows and i feel ashamed and embarrassed. i feel guilty because im such a poor student and because im lying to my parents. they sent me here to study but i never go to class. i tried making myself feel better by apologizing to my teacher about missing class but i keep doing it. i feel like a failure all of the time because i cant do anything right, and everything gets to me. all of this makes me sad. i never leave my dorm because i feel low and my friends notice that i never leave and they tease me about it. when i do leave i feel good for a very short while but i start to feel bad and anxious. but my mom tells me not to sweat it because this world is only temporary. but honestly im just tired of everything. i just feel so low, i cant explain it. i hope it doesn't sound like im whining, this is the first time ive attempted to write out how i feel. i dont know how to do it. please help. all advice is appreciated, thank you.

asma2712
I know how you feel. I went through a similar situation before I was diagnosed with severe major depression. My mind would race, but without any thoughts, I couldn't think, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. It was an indescribable pain. Like you, I was able to fake my way for a while, but then the dam burst.
I don't want to sound rude, but your mother's statement is inappropriate. Yes, this world is only temporary, but there are so many things in it to live for. If there weren't, you wouldn't be going to college, you wouldn't have friends and you wouldn't love your family. Your life can be what you want it to be - it's an open plan just waiting for you to fill in the blanks. Think of the things you are passionate about, those things that make/made you happy. Below is one of my favorite quotes by Paulo Coelho from The Alchemist. It's something I think about when I start falling.

"Its about the faith, power, and the courage we all have within us to pursue a path charted by the mysterious magnet of destiny but obscured by distractions. We learn to trust our hearts, read the seemingly inconspicuous signs, and understand that as we look to fulfill a dream, it looks to find us just the same... if we let it."

Don't give up. Your life is waiting for you.

My suggestion is that you see the school counselor. That person should be able to help you get back on track or refer you to someone who can.

I also understand what you're going through, I'm going through the same thing right now, including being a college freshman. Always remember that you're never alone and your friends are stupid for teasing you about it. I hope things get better soon.

Asma, I can relate to your experiences. I am a college junior with bipolar disorder, and my journey has been difficult.

Have you considered seeing a psychologist? Your college most likely provides free and confidential counseling services. Starting college can be a challenging and scary experience. It's possible that this is factoring into how you are feeling.

Even if college isn't the main aggravator, and you have some kind of underlying mental condition -- a counselor will be able to help you out, and refer you to the right resources. For example, she'll be able to tell you whether to see a psychologist/psychiatrist, how to approach professors for help, etc. Most professors are not intimidating at all, and are happy to help out a student who is struggling, especially if there are medical reasons. Of course, you won't have to divulge everything to them, but having a (brief) note from your counselor or disability services can help the process.

I'm always happy to talk if you have any questions. Feel free to send me a friend request, and we can take our discussions to private messaging if you want. Take care, and good luck.