[seesaw]

I introduced myself days ago on the PTSD forum, but since my depression is so severe, I thought I might get some benefit from reading and sharing on this forum too.

I've experienced major depression for a long time now. Getting out of bed in the morning is next to impossible most of the time. I struggle with calling in sick to work because I just feel to hopeless and apathetic to care to go in. Usually I'm able to force myself to get up and go in, but I've been late every day for a year now. (Fortunately I'm salaried and it doesn't really matter.) I have a service dog for PTSD, and one of his tasks is to make sure I get out of bed in the morning, he's been a life saver. Probably the only reason I still have a job.

I'm on medical leave for treatment for my PTSD, depression and panic disorder now.

At first my GP was treating my depression. I have PMDD too, so she was treating it as just part of that, and had me on a very mild anti-depressant. She also thought it was just SAD, even though I was clear to describe to her that it was otherwise. I started seeing a therapist again and he referred me to a psychiatrist to deal with medication management. She changed my meds a week ago, and already I'm noticing differences. It's not all cured and perfect, but I'm noticing shifts in my perspective and motivation for the better, so I'm feeling hopeful about getting back to a functional place.

I was getting to the point of psychosis, I think because I was keeping everything so secret and not sharing with anyone that something was wrong with me, and that I wasn't feeling/doing well. So I started sharing that I had PTSD and depression and panic disorder with close friends. It was very freeing and made me feel better, although sometimes it's difficult because most people's experience with depression seems to be limited to SAD or to after a death or sad event, and they recover. It doesn't become debilitating to them. They often say things that are meant as encouragement but are actually quite upsetting. I try to just remind myself they say it because they care, and I am grateful that they care, but I am just going to take care of myself the way I need to. Stuff like "oh, it's such a nice day, if you get outside for a walk you'll feel so much better!"

Yes, that's a very harmless statement and true. But for someone who has trouble getting out bed regardless of whether or not the sun is shining, it puts too much pressure on me. Maybe I'm not there yet to be able to get outside. Maybe I'll just be succeeding if I get out of bed and take a shower that day.

Well, I've rambled long enough. I look forward to sharing on this board as well as the PTSD board.

Nice to meet you all.

Seesaw

[pegasus]

Hello seesaw,

I think you'll find here that many people are in the same boat and understand. For many of us it is about coping day by day and can be a lifelong thing. I have a toolbox ready for those days when life seems like pure hell. I hope you will keep sharing with us. Hugs

Thanks for sharing, seesaw. I'm glad you're seeing some improvement with the medication management. I agree that for people to say, "Just take a walk, get some sunshine and you'll feel better" is not very helpful and shows a lack of understanding of severe, biochemical depression on their part. However, I know that people who give me "helpful suggestions" like that only mean well.

[Curupira]

Welcome. I also have PTSD, depression and anxiety. You are in good company here.