[Angelornot]

Okay so lately I have been very depressed and anxious for multiple reasons.

First, I decided to lose my virginity just because I was 18 and I hadn't and I felt like I was missing out so I did with my boyfriend who I did not love. which was miserable and I regret it.
Then my best friend of four years found out about that and will no longer speak to me. This is the most depressing of all because I hate losing people and am always afraid of it but she was the person I least expected to leave me and I cant even tell you how sad I am about it. I don't sleep well because I dream about her and her family. Her family was like a second family to me. I was good friends with two of her sisters too and I adored her youngest sister. Repeatedly I dream about them and then spend the next day depressed because of it.
Work has been stressing me out just because I'm terrified of losing my job. Even when I'm not working I often dream about work and wake up throughout the night very tense.
Then I'm mad at my parents because they wont get me a therapist and I desperately need someone to talk to and I no longer have a best friend.
I think the worst, maybe besides losing my best friend, is I am angry and anxious and depressed because I was raped a couple weeks ago. I'm mad at myself because I was stupid to be drinking and mad at him for obvious reasons and really have trouble tolerating males in general because this is just the latest reason for me not to trust men and this is a guy I work with who continues to pressure me to hang out with him and I don't know how to get rid of him because I cant ask for help I'm too ashamed to admit what happened.
And I keep wanting to self harm. I can't do it because bikini season and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my job but I keep thinking about it, particularly when I try to sleep.
And I've mentioned my dreams but they suck because I never feel like I get a good night's sleep anymore. And all these things I end up thinking about before a sleep a lot of times I cry at night and I feel so helpless cause I sure cant afford a therapist and I told my mom I need one but she wont get me one and I don't really have any friends I can talk to anymore.
So yeah I just needed to vent because I don't even know what to do.

[utterlyconfused]

Please, please, please, do not self harm. If that is something that you do not struggle with already, it isn't an addiction that is worth putting up with. It can become a monster very quickly. It is also not something to lose your job over.

Are there any adults that you know and you trust enough to talk about these things with? I know it is scary reaching out for help, but once you step out there, and you have someone to help you get through these times, you'll realize that opening up is the best thing that you could've ever done. Don't let embarrassment or shame get in your way of getting the help that you need

If your best friend left you just because you lost your virginity, I hate to sound harsh, but she wasn't a friend that you would want. Losing your virginity is nothing to end a friendship over. The consequences of losing that friendship are hard, but maybe you can try distracting yourself with other friends? That is something that I've had to learn how to do.

Try to find some ways to let off some steam. Go for a run, or do something artsy or musical to relieve your stress. Maybe this will help you out some with your dreams.

I'm sorry that you're going through this and feel so alone. It isn't something that is easy to do. If you need to vent, you can always pm me. I hope things start to get better for you!

[TheOriginalMe]

Is there a rape crisis line you can call? It woud be completely confidential and they may be able to arrange counselling for you. If the guy who raped you is a work colleague, then you will continue to face this trauma everyday, while he keeps harrassing you. You need to report him to your boss, the chances are he has done stuff like this before and without wishing to alarm you he could do it again to someone else.

This is a link to the resources listed on the PC resources pages.

Psych Central: Abuse: Sexual Assault

Please seek help.

[Angelornot]

Originally Posted by utterlyconfused

Please, please, please, do not self harm. If that is something that you do not struggle with already, it isn't an addiction that is worth putting up with. It can become a monster very quickly. It is also not something to lose your job over.

Are there any adults that you know and you trust enough to talk about these things with? I know it is scary reaching out for help, but once you step out there, and you have someone to help you get through these times, you'll realize that opening up is the best thing that you could've ever done. Don't let embarrassment or shame get in your way of getting the help that you need

If your best friend left you just because you lost your virginity, I hate to sound harsh, but she wasn't a friend that you would want. Losing your virginity is nothing to end a friendship over. The consequences of losing that friendship are hard, but maybe you can try distracting yourself with other friends? That is something that I've had to learn how to do.

Try to find some ways to let off some steam. Go for a run, or do something artsy or musical to relieve your stress. Maybe this will help you out some with your dreams.

I'm sorry that you're going through this and feel so alone. It isn't something that is easy to do. If you need to vent, you can always pm me. I hope things start to get better for you!

I have self harmed for years, been in treatment for it, and needed stitches. I have been doing well the past couple months but I think if I could get away with it I would do it.
I mean I trust a couple adults but I just don't know what to say to them...
thanks for everything though, I will try maybe some drawing. hopefully that will help.