[tired_girl90]

There's no one I can talk to about this stuff, so hopefully sharing it here will help?:
So this is my first post in over two years apparently. I suppose going on medication (Luvox) really numbed me because now that I'm off it, I can actually FEEL again, and it is highly over-rated!
I've been off of Luvox for the majority of the year and I am back to having the same symptoms I've always had, depression, obsessive negative thoughts, being very sensitive, and anxiety, especially social anxiety which has never been this bad. I only feel calm when I'm alone in my room. Being at work makes me want to cry and putting on a "happy face" has become a chore which I perform constantly. I've isolated myself from my friends, which I've never been close with anyway because I can't trust people. I have never been able to connect with other people. I feel like everyone at work hates me or thinks I'm crazy. They recently had a party at one of the girls houses and nobody invited me even though everyone was there, I know that sounds like an immature thing to be upset about, but I honestly thought they liked me and that hurt like hell. I can see that they see me as moody, negative, and no fun. I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of being lonely and afraid of people. I live with my mom but she doesn't listen when I try to talk about what I'm feeling. Today I tried and she just ignored me and read the ads from the mail. I am so done and I don't want to go back on meds, and I don't trust therapists. I was hospitalized once and I swear I'm never going back so it's hard to open up to them when they hold that power over me. I know I'm rambling and I apologize for any misspelling or grammatical errors, I'm typing this on my Phone because I needed privacy and computer is in the living room. If anybody has any advice or words of encouragement I would be eternally grateful. I'm also a great listener, please let me know how I can help you. <3

I am a lot like that too. Depressed (in a numb way, not a crying way), very socially anxious, can't connect with people, reclusive, etc. Whenever I am with other people I am anxious and also wearing a social mask (which is my alter ego which still has bad social skills) which really wears me out so I just like to be alone all the time. Being around others doesn't seem worth it to me anymore, but it used to.

That doesn't sound immature at all about being hurt about not being invited to the party. That would hurt anyone's feelings whether they would admit it or not. If I worked at the type of place to have a party like that I would surely be the one they would leave out. I've been treated the same way many times, just not in that exact situation.

My mom is also cold and not comfortable talking about emotions. Probably a large part of why we both have these problems today

I don't have any advice but I can relate to a lot of the stuff you said. I'm not very exciting to talk to and have good reason to believe I am weird, awkward and annoying but you can PM me if you ever feel like it

[tired_girl90]

Originally Posted by nowheretohide

I am a lot like that too. Depressed (in a numb way, not a crying way), very socially anxious, can't connect with people, reclusive, etc. Whenever I am with other people I am anxious and also wearing a social mask (which is my alter ego which still has bad social skills) which really wears me out so I just like to be alone all the time. Being around others doesn't seem worth it to me anymore, but it used to.

That doesn't sound immature at all about being hurt about not being invited to the party. That would hurt anyone's feelings whether they would admit it or not. If I worked at the type of place to have a party like that I would surely be the one they would leave out. I've been treated the same way many times, just not in that exact situation.

My mom is also cold and not comfortable talking about emotions. Probably a large part of why we both have these problems today

I don't have any advice but I can relate to a lot of the stuff you said. I'm not very exciting to talk to and have good reason to believe I am weird, awkward and annoying but you can PM me if you ever feel like it

Thanks for your reply! I know exactly what you mean by it almost doesn't seem worth it being around people anymore. I have such a hard time just getting the energy to get up and get ready to go out in public much less interact with people. Sounds very weird to most people, I'm glad you understand! and don't worry about feeling awkward or weird, I feel the same way myself, but the coolest people in history were weird!! Look up some examples of famous people in history and pop-culture that had mental health problems like depression and anxiety and others, that always makes me feel a little bit cheered up. PM me also if you ever need to talk!

What you describe, tired girl90 is what depression is about. You wrote that you've been off of Luvox for most of the year & now you can feel again, but that's over-rated. You don't want to go back on med's & you don't trust therapists. So, I guess my question would be how to do plan to get better? There are no secret formulas for healing from depression, or any other mental health challenge. There's pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, so to speak: eating healthy foods, vitamins, etc., exercise, & positive thinking. Then there's therapy & med's. That's pretty much it. It sounds like you've already concluded that you can't do it yourself. And you don't want to take med's & you don't trust therapists. It seems to me that you're resigning yourself to ongoing illness, whether you like it or not.

It's unfortunate that you didn't get invited to that party; & that your mom would rather read mail ads than listen to you. But, the reality is that we have no control over what others do. We only have control, potentially, over ourselves & how we react to these kinds of situations.

So, anyway, assuming that you can't find the where-with-all to "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps", I would like to encourage you to reconsider your position with regard to med's & therapy. I don't know how many med's you've tried, or therapists you've seen. But, in both cases, it can take time to find ones that work for you. It's a process of trial-&-error, unfortunately. The really great thing here is that you're still young & you CAN beat this! I'm old & I'll tell you from experience, it doesn't get better with age. It gets harder. The older you get the less resilience you have & the less strength you have to fight back. So again, from my perspective at least, tackle this problem while you're still young. Don't just let it drag on hoping that someday it will just go away. Chances are, it won't. I wish you all the best.