[Lcode]

I'm feeling so sad, alone and hurt. I've been married more then ten years to a great guy and we have been unable to have a baby.

Now if you've ever run across a mom and thought "wow, she should NOT be a mom", I'm the complete opposite of that. I've always thought and dreamed about being a mommy. I've always been told I'm "gonna make a great mom one day". But that day will not come for me- for us.

I have alot of guilt about not being able to provide an heir as my husbands family line will end with him. So we started to look at foster care with the intent to adopt (in my state if you foster then adopt a child the agency pays for the adoption costs) since we knew we didn't have the finances to outright adopt. It looks less and less like fostering will happen and last night my DH (Dear Husband) said he would rather just hold out for an adoption of an infant and if you know anything about adoption it takes FOREVER to get an infant.

Infertility treatments are not an option since again financially we can't afford it.

I am devastated and am really having a hard time getting out of bed.

What's the point of building a successful business if it will only close the moment you die? Why buy a home when there's no one to pass it to? Once you are stripped of having any kind of legacy how in the world do you do anything?

I'm not suicidal (my faith is probably the only thing keeping me from going there) but I really don't know how to live....

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Lcode. You carry a terrible and unique burden on top of the terrible burden of depression.

Your problems are intertwined. Have any of the doctors you may have seen addressed depression along with infertility? (Feel free to ignore the question.)

Please try to make yourself at home here.

[Fuzzybear]

[Want2want]

<<What's the point of building a successful business if it will only close the moment you die? Why buy a home when there's no one to pass it to? Once you are stripped of having any kind of legacy how in the world do you do anything?>>

I honor and respect your grief, and the point of view you have shared. But I will tell you that those views are yours, and not necessarily universal. Many people have used exactly that kind of loss or pain to motivate them for the good.

An example? (And not telling you how YOU should feel, just sharing, since you asked)

Business? The point could be all the jobs and incomes you have created for employees. When you die, you could will it to a trust that funds infertility issues, etc. etc.

Home? Because it will provide happiness and security for you and your husband and whoever you wish to share it with. Not having an infant to care for, you could volunteer to work with children and pass on a legacy to caring to many, many others.

You speak of faith, but don't say which, and I won't assume. But I know of no faith that teaches about leaving a legacy of material things, in fact it's usually just the opposite. Maybe a Holy Book can help you find a way through your pain.

Offered in love and respect, because you asked

[Marshellette]

Lucy, I am concerned that these thoughts are so negative. And your husband seems unwilling to look at options. Who said you have to have the rest of your life figured out in a day? Would talking to a social worker help?

[littlemiss44]

I'm so sorry to hear about yr struggle to have a baby. My heart breaks for you. I can't imagine what you must be going thru. I wouldn't give up on adoption...I wish I had some words of wisdom to give you. All I can say is keep coming back here. There are so many supportive people. Don't lose hope because miracles happen everyday. God bless you.

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

[Lcode]

Originally Posted by Want2want

<<

You speak of faith, but don't say which, and I won't assume. But I know of no faith that teaches about leaving a legacy of material things, in fact it's usually just the opposite.

I don't so much mean a legacy of things but a family legacy, knowledge, a history, skills etc. basically we had no one to invest in that would be family. Currently we have no employes, it's just a small business that my husband mostly runs. If he and/or I were to die the store would just close.

[Want2want]

Thanks for the clarification.

And please, please, PLEASE don't take what I write as dismissive or anything.

I was just trying to mention possible different ways of seeing ....... cause, yeah, FOR ME, saying "What's the point of living if no legacy" (or words to that effect), seemed a bit extreme.

Sorta Cognitive Behavioral stuff, ya know?

I get myself in "what's the point" loops all the time, and it helps when someone else points them out to me, and suggest a possible different viewpoint.