[ThisWayOut]

big changes start tomorrow, and I'm feeling very lost. I want to both hide and seek support. I want to go sit in my therapist's office, even if it's just to sit while she does other things. I don't know where to turn. I feel like a little kid just needing to be near someone not involved in the day-to-day and the changes, but really needing proximity. I feel totally alone, though I am surrounded by caring people...
sorry. I got distracted writing to my therapist, and lost my train of thought here. I still feel very alone, and very needy, but I'm better at distracting from that in this moment. I think writing to my T helped, even though I won't get to talk to her about it for another 3 weeks... I hate change, and I hate feeling soley like the construct of someone else's imagination. I have no real sense of self at the moment, and it's underscored by the changes about to happen. I'm afraid if I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind, and I will simply blink out of existence... So if I'm not back here, my fears are accurate, and I was just someone's imaginary friend

Hi ThisWayOut, what changes are you going to experience?

[pegasus]

Hello ThisWayOut, can you contact T and let her know that you are struggling and need to see her sooner, 3 weeks does seem a long time. Or is there someone else you can share how you feel with.

[ThisWayOut]

I am moving my wife across the country, but I will not follow until the end of the summer. We have not yet been apart for this long. It feels like we are ending things, though we both know it's just what we need to do to be able to make this cross-country move. She has spent the last few days saying goodbye to everyone and everything here. I will be going with her for a few days, but I will come back alone. The house will be super quiet and lonely. There is a lot of pressure on both sides: her's to get us established, and mine to keep things together and pack up the household. We live with my mom currently, and it's very stressful. The thought of not having my wife around is daunting. I have a lot of trust to build up again (I don't have the best track record with major changes and staying stable).
I will not be seeing my T for three weeks because of my trip, then her vacation, then our "regularly scheduled programming" falls at the end of the week she returns... I had not asked to have an earlier appointment in time, and now she is booked solid the week of her return. I also feel like a huge burden if I try to contact her outside of session (I know that's my thing, but I can only justify it if there is a major crisis)...
I talked a bit to my wife today, and that helped, but I still feel really disconnected. I guess if things get really bad before or after her vacation, I can still call her.
Does anyone else ever feel so substanceless? I feel like such an alien sometimes.

[ThisWayOut]

I came up with my wife yesterday. The trip is supposed to last a week, but I want to be anywhere but here. That wait to have to say goodbye for a while is killing me. I'm way too dependent on her, and I dislike the anxiety and sadness so much that I just want it over with. We have a week though, and there will be visits with friends, family, and yummy food. I'm just going to keep concentrating on that.

[mountainstream]

((((((ThisWayOut)))))

[Fuzzybear]

[Clara22]

I am sending you a hug and best wishes for this transition to be as smooth as possible

[ThisWayOut]

thank you all for the support. the week has flown by. I leave tomorrow morning. I'm at once ready to be back in the relative comfort of my own home, and really anxious about leaving my wife behind. o_O I know it will be ok, but it will also be quite lonely.