[HuxleysParadox]

I guess the best way to start is to go way back. I had a bad childhood. Yes,yes I know didn't we all.. but mine was in the papers. Massive child abuse, neglect , molestation etc etc. Oddly enough I wasn't depressed. Not during or after. I understood at a young age that this was not normal, the adults were at fault and I didn't deserve what was happening /had happened to me. I am normally a logical person. I'm not super upbeat, just I get that things are the way they are for various reasons and how to rationally deal with it. Except now..
I don't know if it's my age (mid 30s) or that I am in a not great financial situation. I can't figure it out. In my mind I say "Ok girl you have done everything you can, you are doing all you can", but my next immediate thought is "Are you? are you really?" Then I'm plagued with doubt and become more depressed because I can't figure it out. I am hoping I can get a second job (with my nearing 100 applications I have sent out) and that will give me breathing room. I want this to work, I am sick of being like this and I know my family is. I hate crying and feeling helpless and worthless.

[gma45]

Sending gentle hugs your way! I understand going through financial problems. I have been in a bind for a couple of years now, still trying to find a better job. And I have lived with depression for most of my life. It sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders. Some people are not prone to depression like some of us. I don't believe you are worthless or helpless sometimes it just takes time for things to happen. Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself. I am sending good vibes your way!

[HuxleysParadox]

Thank you! This is why I need help in coping with it. I am not clenically depressed. I have depression and I'm sure it's temporary. Well, to be honest I don't know. I'm adopted and when I was living with my birth mother I know she had depression but she also was an alcoholic drug addict. So I'm not sure if it was the addictions or if she was depressed and that was her way of coping.
I keep thinking to myself "My god there are people who are homeless, starving, beaten, and who knows what. People who are really depressed all the time and they can't help it. All yours stems from is lack of money and a failed carreer." Then I feel worse because I think I don't have the real right to feel so sad all the time. I know I KNOW, I over think.
My s/o asks what he can do to help. I don't know what to tell him. What can he do when even I don't know. CAN he help? Or is this something I need to do for myself?