[the_link]

Hello All,

I am very new to these kinds of postings and even more so to the effects of depression. I am very depressed, have been told that I am moderately OCD, Anxious, Schizoid, and ADD. I am single never married, and have recently started dating a girl (4 months ago). I thought this one was going to last. All I want out of life is to have a home with a beautiful wife, a few beautiful childred and a couple of Boxers running around. Thats all I want, no fancy house, or fancy car. Just a loving family who I can come home to every night. Can you tell I am partial to Boxers? I have been able to keep all these mental disorders bottled up for the longest time keeping me normal, but at the cost of being alone. For the most part I was happy alone with my Dog Sarge, but there were times when I missed someone. I told myself and others that I didnt want a girl, or need one, and that marriage was not for me. Well it is for me, and when I met this new girl, I started seeing a therapist to get straightened out. The first one didnt work so I am on my second whom I really like. I am only hoping that I didnt wait too long. I am also seeing a Psychiatrist who started me on Straterra for ADD which didnt work, then he put me on Concerta for ADD which didn't work, not I am on Welbutrin for depression and Ativan for anxiety. My girlfriend and I are currently taking a hiatus from each other, which I fully understand. She is great and has the potential to be the one, but only if I get my self fixed up. However, she does have her own demons I must say. My thoughts are getting pulled in so many different directions from these multiple disorders I am dealing with. I am very sad and confused about what to do. I would love nothing more than to stay with her and look to her for support because if it is not here I have noone. My Mom and Sis are good, but I want someone who will give me a hug and a kiss and tell me everything will be alright. Someone to hold me at night to keep the sadness and fears at bay so I can be happy. I am so excellent with kids I know I would be a great father, and my goal in life is to find one girl and pamper and make her the most loved person on the planet, and I can do it. When I am with someone, she gets all my attention. Backrubs after a long day in the office, glass of wine and a hot bath, anything to make her life easier. I know I am in for a long time of therapy and probably drugs, but I think that road would be much better if I had someone by my side besides the 4 legged pooping machine who is such a saving grace. I talk to him so much about what is going on and get the best rewards. He crawls on my lap and looks at me with those "I am a dog but I understand", eyes, gives me a lick or two and for a short time I am good. My Schizoid tendencies cause me to avoid social interaction so I am looking for some support and hopefully making a few friends along the way. I would really love a womans perspective on this. I would really appreciate some help!!! Thanks so very much.

Mike

[dexter]

hi link, and again, welcome here.

i can comment on the depression part of your post and i have to say you seem not only to be going in the right direction but also get an a+ for doing it the right way. it is never too late to get help. the biggest, hardest part is realize that you have a problem, understanding that it can be treated, and seeking help to get better.

taking the step of finding a doctor and therapist can be the hardest part and you've already done that on your own. accepting that you have an illness can be scary but can also be comforting because now it can be treated.

it also seems that you understand that a therapist can be a very personal thing and sometimes it takes some time to find the right one. many people don't "click" with their first and then give up thinking therapy is useless. it is not. i am very glad you found one you trust and can work with. that is a great thing. don't be afraid to look further if you need more help.

support is also an important thing and this place is good for that since we have all been through it, or are going through it, so we can understand things in a way that people not in our shoes can only imagine.

keep posting and keep working at it.

i wrote a paper about depression that may help, you can get it at http://www.idexter.com

[the_link]

Dave,

Thanks for listening. I have found that one of the best things for me is to talk about what is going on and to also write. I have come to find that I am a good writer, and when I can calm myself down and spit out the demons, I do alright. I have known I have had problems for many years, but just tried to hide them. Much to my surprise (not) they are back to haunt me. I could stay locked in my own world, but I want and need to start a family. I have done a great job of dealing with the lonliness in the past by being alone, but now its time to come out of my shell and start living. I am with a great girl now, but we are on the rocks. I want her to stick with me and have asked her to stay but that decision is up to her. I guess time will tell. I will read your paper tonight and I have attached a story I wrote a while back. Its a brief synopsis of my life story. It only took me @2 hours to write with no stopping. I hope you get a chance to read it. Thanks again.

Mike

[dexter]

i assume you keep a journal? that is universally a good idea for anyone especially with stress or sadness.

i have a project i am trying to work on tonight but i should be able to read your attachment over the weekend. thanks for sending it. i just recently put some personal stuff on my website too it is also in the "understanding" section.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[SeptemberMorn]

Hey, Mike. I answered you on relationships on your other thread about finding a significant other. Please read it. Also, physicallity isn't the only thing we women need in a relationship. We need to share back and forth emotions, spirituality and everything that makes you, "you" and us, "us"; everything that makes us unique.

I'm hoping you understand that having someone there at night to hold you and keep away the "demons" kinda sounds to me like you might be looking for another for your wholeness. That's a dangerous proposition. We're all human and prone to our own failings. We eventually will fail in our efforts to be there for someone else or to give and love unconditionally. Your best course of action is to become the best that you can be first before trying to maintain a relationship. Learn to do the things that help you and get you feeling better for yourself. That's one VERY tough lesson to learn, I'm here to tell you! However, we never finish learning so don't expect perfection from yourself, either!

Get a good hold on your illness, learn all you can about it, learn to deal with it and then think about getting into a permanent relationship, ok?

Just my two cents, for what it's worth.

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[the_link]

I have never really been in love, and being with this girl has really opened me up to what love can be. I have to try to keep her while I am going through this. I dont think I am looking for someone else for wholeness, but just looking for a hug and a comforting word. I know I have to work through this, but I equate this to a nightmare. When I finally wake up from this I would like her to be there. I know I am playing with fire, but I have to atleast make an attempt. I really dont want to lose her. I started therapy when I first met her, I probably should have started earlier in my life but then I might not have met her? I am not the most spiritual person, but if things were meant to happen they will happen. I am a very determined person, so I will give this my best shot and see what happens. I really appreciate your input. Thank you very much.

Mike