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Old Jun 13, 2014, 12:40 PM
Mapleburn15 Mapleburn15 is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: UK
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I have gone through a very painful break up with my ex. After about three years of togetherness when we were supposed to get together when he just disappeared. Changed jobs and broke contact.I was emotionally abused by him for a long time. I do not wish to contact my ex nor do I wish to start the relationship but I do not seem able to move on. I have plans for the future, yet I cannot stop obsessing about him, visiting his company website and sneaking at him in social media , I keep thinking of the unhappy and frankly disrespectful aspects of this highly volatile relationship and how I allowed him to use and throw me aside. Am I am suffering from a co-dependency syndrome? Any thoughts? The person fits the bill of a narcissist and a sociopath but I think the issue is not him but me. I cannot afford therapy at the moment.
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Travelinglady

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  #2  
Old Jun 13, 2014, 11:12 PM
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Travelinglady Travelinglady is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
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Hi, Mapleburn15, and welcome to Psych Central! That doesn't strike me as what is called co-dependency, but more like not being able to let go, if that has a psychological term.

Actually, I suggest you post about this issue in the Relationships and Communication forum. Here is the link: http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...communication/.

I hope you can get busy, get out and meet other men, and move on soon. And get some therapy at some point if you can't let go, from a clinic or other place that doesn't cost a lot.
  #3  
Old Jun 14, 2014, 12:49 PM
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Altered Moment Altered Moment is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: Michigan
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You are very perceptive in that you think the problem may lie with you. Not that it excuses any of his behaviour or that his behaviour is your fault, it is not. I think it is a matter of what type of men you are attracted to. I have seen it over and over in AA and Alanon. People who have no idea about eachother will be attracted to eachother and get together and every damn time it turns out they both came from an alcoholic home. One will be an alcoholic and the other co dependent on them. A very bizarre mysterious force at work. The women call it having a broken picker. I have experienced it myself. I am a rescuer. The night in shining armor who wants to rescue the damsel in distress. Consequentially I always end up with women on the rebound. Once they are over the previous relationship and are done using me as a band aid I get dumped. I have had my share of obsessing and spying on voice mails, emails, face book etc. I decided since my daughter was young that I would stay out of them and work on me. Now I would like to be in a relationship again and think I am healthier but the damn depression always seems to get in the way. That is another issue.

I would suggest taking the time to get over the obsessing, let yourself grieve the past relationship and get over the hurt, and then work on yourself. Melody Beatty at one time was the big expert on co dependency and I have read all her books. I am sure there are many more out there. It can take a long time but your awareness has you moving in the right direction in a very healthy way.
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