I really don't see the point. Not anymore. I have done everything I could in recent months to fight off those damn suicidal urges. And I did this for my boyfriend. I tried so hard for him to stay on this planet. I kept reaching out when I knew I couldn't keep myself safe anymore. And for what? He doesn't even want me living with him anymore. He doesn't even know if he wants us to be a couple. And to be told this when I was in hospital....how was that supposed to help? It just doesn't seem worth it anymore. Nothing does. I don't want a life that doesn't involve him. Why keep fighting?

[gayleggg]

Secretwhisper, keep fighting for you. You are worth it. I know you are hurting right now and I can't believe he laid all this on you at such a tough place you are in already. But you have to want to survive for you.

[kaliope]

I believe he told you while you were in the hospital because he knew you were in a safe place in case you didnt take the news well. putting your joy and happiness in another persons hands is never the answer. they will always disappoint you. dont give someone else that much power over your life. you have to live for you. i know it is hard to see it now, but there will come a time that it is all worth it. i fought for 30 years for it to happen. but it finally did. take care of yourslef.

I know I shouldn't just live for him but it's hard. I don't see myself as worth it. And also my life did just revolve around him...my social life was nearly always with him. I've suddenly realised I don't have many friends anymore, they all moved away. I have never felt this alone.

[mgb46]

secretwhisper, you are worth it and more! You know you can't truly be happy if it's through someone else. But I know it's nice to share it with someone else. Maybe this is your time to put yourself first and really work on yourself. He's not worth it if he left u at such a vulnerable point in your life. You will see and realize this in time. This is your time to to really focus on yourself and pamper yourself. Things will come around for you, and so will he probably, for that matter. What will you do then? Stay strong....

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[waterknob1234]

Secretwhisper, you are a good person and your life is worth fighting for. It is time for you to take care of you. Your boyfriend left you at a very bad time, like there is a good time for something like that to happen. We are your friends here on pc. We love you. You are a very worthwhile person. I know somehow there is a beautiful purpose to your life out there. Don't give up on yourself.

[TheOriginalMe]

You've come this far, don't let that be for nothing. I once had a boyfriend who should have made a clean break but never did because he was afraid of what I might do. That caused so much hurt and damage to me in the long run. I've never been able to have a relationship since. At least there is honesty in what your boyfriend has done, I know that it hurts and your view of life without him is bleak but it is better than a relationship built on a lie. You can build a life that will be yours, it won't be easy but it is possible.

[waggiedog]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

I really don't see the point. Not anymore. I have done everything I could in recent months to fight off those damn suicidal urges. And I did this for my boyfriend. I tried so hard for him to stay on this planet. I kept reaching out when I knew I couldn't keep myself safe anymore. And for what? He doesn't even want me living with him anymore. He doesn't even know if he wants us to be a couple. And to be told this when I was in hospital....how was that supposed to help? It just doesn't seem worth it anymore. Nothing does. I don't want a life that doesn't involve him. Why keep fighting?

Hello dear Secretwhisper. I'm so so sorry to read that you're feeling very low and that life isn't worth living. I UNDERSTAND hunny, very much so. I've been there too many times and it's absolutely awful. PLEASE PLEASE, should you need a comforting ear to listen, then I am only to happy to listen. HUGS and LOVES, as ever.

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

I really don't see the point. Not anymore. I have done everything I could in recent months to fight off those damn suicidal urges. And I did this for my boyfriend. I tried so hard for him to stay on this planet. I kept reaching out when I knew I couldn't keep myself safe anymore. And for what? He doesn't even want me living with him anymore. He doesn't even know if he wants us to be a couple. And to be told this when I was in hospital....how was that supposed to help? It just doesn't seem worth it anymore. Nothing does. I don't want a life that doesn't involve him. Why keep fighting?

I am sorry and my heart goes out to you. There is a legitimate grieving process when we lose someone. That's part of being human. The problem with being depressive is that the grief can get amplified and literally destroy us.

I feel where you're coming from. Relationship issues are a huge trigger for me. A girlfriend of 2.5 years left me on the cusp of my 30th birthday. I almost can't describe how depressed and suicidal I was. But I did find ways to be happy again.

You are worth it. Keep going and you'll make it.


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[Wysteria]

Hey Secret Whisper,

Friend, you know in your heart of hearts that what you truly want is to be loved and cherished. You deserve that. You deserve even more than that. A lopsided relationship with a taker, is no way to find what you're looking for.

Like everyone else has said to you, it is time for you to be strong for you...and only you. Be the best dang Secret you can be and grow and heal...then you will have what you really want. A relationship built on love and trust and mutual respect. You are worth fighting for and deserver the chance to grow and heal. You have the right to true happiness and deep contentment...be a little patient with yourself.

We all have faith in you and see the inner woman that may need a little extra support right now, but is definitely worth fighting for. We are just waiting for you to see it too. This is a great place and time to make some changes and start down the path that you really want to be on....come on...we're waiting on you and have total faith that you can do this. If you don't have enough hope right this minute, then borrow some of ours and start again tomorrow. Let the hope seep into your dreams and see what your life can be.

NOONE knows what tomorrow can bring...you have to hang on and see what is in store for you. You have no idea what wonderful things are waiting to be explored and what inner strengths are hidden from you right now because of the depression...yes, you can do this. We know this pain too, and we know you can get past it..

Gentle hugs,

Wysteria Blue

Thank you all so much. Waking up to all these messages this morning was so nice, almost made me cry. You are all amazing, would be so lost without this place!

[Momentofclarity]

Originally Posted by secretwhisper

Thank you all so much. Waking up to all these messages this morning was so nice, almost made me cry. You are all amazing, would be so lost without this place!

:'( :< sry I wasn't there... >.<

I know the feeling of staying alive for someone who doesn't seem to enjoy your company at the end. You are worth it secret. Your own life is worth fighting for.

[Idiot17]

No advice coming from me....only that I wish you luck trying to live for yourself and not others ( you have strength on your side)....I know how trying that can be.... (((((secret)))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( secretwhisper ))))))))
sorry I wasn't there...