Lost...again

Not sure why I'm posting this other than to say to someone, other than echoing in my head, that I'm depressed and I never thought that life could get this bad. Each morning I wake up thinking about how I've wasted the life that I've been given; each day I trudge along at a business that we struggle to keep alive despite the growing costs of running it; then I go home and do nothing because I am thinking about how depressing this all really is; then I sleep; and the whole miserable process starts over again...Depression has literally placed me in the middle of the emotional wilderness without a compass, guide, or map...I really am afraid that this, when someone looks back on my life, will be what defined it...D*** depression...

Isn't the severity of your depression a rather recent thing? And how long it is lasting?

I know with me the nature of my disease seems to have changed drastically starting at around 45 years of age.

Has stopping alcohol maybe made things worse? Alcohol actually worked for me for a long time but I surely don't recommend that.

Maybe getting on the med roller coaster again is worth it to find one that works for you. I seem to remember you were off of them???

Thanks Zinco...I am off medication, and am contemplating a return to that. Stopping alcohol has not made things worse, or better. I suspect that I'm saving money, and I'm not waking up with any hangovers...deep depression was not with me when I was working at something that I enjoyed. I left that partially due to institutional politics, but also to return to help my wife with a family business...it's just been a slide into deeper depression because of this business that I loathe, and there is not a medication in world that will cure that...and thanks for the non-recommendation on the alcohol....

Sorry to hear you are struggling.. But you are not lost - God knows right were you are.

Thanks...I have to remember that...

I can very much relate to how hard it is to remember that God is in control. Sometimes we just are incapable of feeling His presence.

I am not so sure meds can't help with a totally situational issue. May be able to help in dealing with the current situation.

Seems that getting a job in the field you love to work in would be the ultimate answer. Given what you do they must be out there.

I'm searching, Zinco...I had that answer a year ago, and I'm sure that you, and others that read this forum can relate to this: the difference between one year ago and today is so profound; I wake up now in disbelief that I am the same person...

Maybe medication will help with the current situation; but I'm a side-effects machine with any and all meds that I've tried. And I really don't want to be 50 pounds overweight again, either. I don't know...the only thing that I do know is that I hate feeling like this...

The people around you probably don't define you by your depression, they will see the hard working guy who stepped in to help his wife's family business out, the guy who put other people before himself. Sure people will see you are depressed right now, but they will have a much stronger image of the guy who you were before and who you can be again. Depression is a thief, robbing its victims of their identity and their confidence. Depression makes me feel like a fraud because I can tell you all this stuff that I can't believe for myself.