are people incapable of understanding that sometimes depression just happens?

Sometimes I get depressed for no obvious reason. I know it's because of certain neurotransmitters in my brain that are out of whack, not because of outside circumstances. But my friends and family keep thinking that it's all in my head, and they say stuff like "I should be way more depressed than you, I've been through worse troubles in my life," etc. But I don't usually get depressed because of outside circumstances--it just happens.

Do you find that most people can't grasp the concept of someone being depressed without any specific external cause?

I think every therapist I've had has asked me at least once "what made you depressed this week?" or something similar. Arrrrgh! You'd think they'd understand. It must be extra rough to hear it from family.

Yes! They have a terrible time understanding where depression comes from. They think it is synonymous with "sad", so they think there has to be a reason for it. My friend once said "You don't have anything to be depressed about, though." While that wasn't exactly true, since I do have stress in my life, the depression was clinical, and not from some major event or problem that happened. I get depressed for no reason, and while certain things make me more vulnerable to symptoms getting worse (not being in school this summer, not taking care of responsibilities, not sleeping well, my meds not working as well), the depression comes on just as a part of my illness, schizoaffective. It is a depressive episode I am in, and my therapist is the first person who told me that "It just happens sometimes" and that all I can do is ride it out.

Yes! So many people, I think they try to help and to understand at first but after a while they give up on you, and make those assumption “it’s all in your head” and it’s not easy when it comes from family and friends, it’s not something you wanted or asked for it.

:I have come to believe friends and family cannot understand depression unless they have been there themselves. And they usually say stuff to you that makes you feel worse. "you have a good life. You have nothing to be depressed about. Other people have worse problems than you, etc." You know the drill. Here's what bothers me. If you have a physical illness, surgery, heart problem, hospitalization, everyone calls you. They tell you that they are praying for you, its "what can I do to help you. The church is praying for you. We'll bring you food." But when we suffer depression or other mental illness we are already in deep emotional pain, sometimes to the point of crisis. And people say stuff like "you're just weak. If you were a better person you wouldn't be sad," and the all time church people stuff "if you were in God's grace you wouldn't suffer. You must be offending God somehow." People we suffer an illness. Have some understanding. And even biblical heroes suffered hardship and depression yet God loved them dearly. Folks out there need to be educated about mental illness. Sorry, I had to get on my

I had post natal depression and was put on Zoloft. I told my mother. She said, why?? Apparently my brothers depression was more real because he had a drinking and drug problem and smashed up his car.

I know what you mean...I think it's because for a physical illness, other people can actually see the illness, but for depression, they can't really see the inner turmoil, so they assume it doesn't exist.

People don't understand... they feel sorry for you, that's all they do and that's all they can do. They can't "feel" the loneliness or they can't see what you see. They don't understand how certain images make the hair on your arms stand up, they can't understand the "goose bumps" that appear and the heavy breathing and then the tears that just start. That thousand yard catatonic stare and the tears that pour out of your eyes with no emotion. Usually I'm in the bathroom with my face in the sink running the water so no one sees it. I'm lucky I guess because I don't really cry or maybe I don't think I do. I'm trying to remember the last time I was laughing, maybe its a year now. My friends all say I've aged tremendously in the past year more than ever. Maybe its the anger inside but I just think they just don't understand and they are not able to. I thought moving would change things, but now after a year I'm starting to get scared.

For me, there often is a reason I can identify which causes me to feel more depressed. Knowing the cause allows me to make some sense about what happened. Feeling better is the goal.

yes, I have been told that its all in my head. Would they say that if you had a broken leg?

In a sense it is all in our head but not in the way they say it. Most of the time I get depressed for no reason at all. Totally biological. Sometimes it does get triggered. Very few people understand it. I believe it is up to us to find enough people who do understand for our own support. This means taking some risks. But they are out there. A support group is the easiest because every one in the group suffers.

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I totally understand and agree with what you all are saying. It just makes you feel worse, hearing things like "brace yourself" or "don't be depressed" like its something you want, and you can turn off with a switch. Especially from family and friends, the ones that are supposed to understand you. Long ago I stopped giving any explanations to anyone. People just don't understand, and how they could? It's not something you could easily explain. Unless they've been in exactly the same situation as you, they just can't.

The nature of perception is that it is subjective. Philosophy has obsessed about this for centuries. A famous example would be when one views a coin straight on it appears circular, but from an angle it will appear oval. A mood disorder alters ones perception of the world independent from external stimuli. As a result, actions and their outcomes are perceived relative to ones current mental state of being which is influenced, at times even determined, by a disorder or lack thereof. So, while other people can focus on a problem to solve in order to enact a resolution or reliably use coping mechanisms to improve their mood, such as listening to some song or, if I might be so bold, praying to Jesus for reassurance and/or aid, people with disorders can and often are unable to share in those experiences. How often it was that I would be in a Church where everyone around me feels the Love of the Lord while I would sit there trying to remember what Love even feels like or, in extreme cases, what it was like to even feel, to be emotive, let alone know joy, satisfaction, or happiness.

Reality is relative to how it is perceived, and people like us perceive it differently. It's why we can relate; why I can write this and know it will strike a cord in those reading; why I so often abstain from sharing this information with others. The reality we share is one they reject because a reality which is relative to perception produces discordant views of what is real. The reality actively perceived by those with mood disorders is so discordant to their own that it is incomprehensible to them - our existence is an enigma to their mind. Even those with PHD's and decades of experience in treating the mentally ill will often no more understand the world you or I perceive as anything greater than an intellectual abstraction.

I know my explanation might be a little depressing, but I find the realization it provides helps in tolerating the ignorance of others. It affords me an understanding of what benefit can be gained from attempting to explain how my disorder affects my ability to function. Some will genuinely try to understand, others will be willing to accept their ignorance, and then there are those who do not care for the implications that arise from the belief that severe bio-chemical imbalance will radically alter someones core identity. I believe that what is frustrating about such people is that by rejecting the reality we perceive they reject the people who exist in that reality - you, me, us.

...how people's eyes show sympathy, pity, and concern, but never understanding; never knowing eyes.

thanks guys. It's nice to know I'm not alone in thinking this.