[sewerrats]

The despair of chronic depression can never be told has its happening because you are not of this world at the time. It creeps up like a thick dense black fog that consumes every fiber of your brain and body. Without meds you will die, you are already dead know one in you family or friend or doctors can penetrate the hold on you. Meds are given has you lie for weeks in bed waiting for one to work only to find it don't so off you go again. You cannot go to hospital has your not a danger to others so who cares. Then you start drink large amounts of booze to knock yourself out of misery . it works at first , and you then think this feeling must be like death so death must be better, Now you feeling turn to death you forget your love ones they don't exist in your damaged head nothing does. If like me after months of this crap, you try death when everyone is asleep you don't care. I was saved and blue lighted to hospital then you begin from the bottom and you will be on the bottom for a long time. HOW WAS I SAVED YOU SAY . not by choise, I happened to drink with a mountain of meds brandy . 10 minutes in and puked the house down waking everyone. if I had just fell asleep then DEAD

[gayleggg]

I'm so glad you lived. I believe you still have a purpose here on earth. I don't pretend to know this purpose but I believe we have to live until we full fill it.

I'm sorry you are in such pain. I think you described depression very well. I've been in that black hole, too. I hope they can find something to help you get better.

[sewerrats]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I'm so glad you lived. I believe you still have a purpose here on earth. I don't pretend to know this purpose but I believe we have to live until we full fill it.

I'm sorry you are in such pain. I think you described depression very well. I've been in that black hole, too. I hope they can find something to help you get better.

I am a lot better than that episode 7 years ago . Stable on 6MG lorazepam and a tiny 5mg of Lexapro. I should think it could become out of the blue at anytime in future has I have no control over it , MEDS keep it just under the radar that's why I have no intention of stopping them or I will find myself in the dead zone. SOME people need meds to survive, some have mild conditions that are made worse by wrong and over scripted meds. They need off pronto , remember AD s are not for when you wife runs off or you low on money, or you cannot find a job. All those things are solvable without meds they are situation depression sometimes sorted by taking a good look in the mirror/ clinical, chronic need meds no therapy can help. not at least till stable. THERE are times when people are taken to mental hospital they cannot be slowly given meds they get the full doses straight away and blow the outcome because without them the may not be an outcome, so side effect are off the radar . You may even have to be given ECT just to be in a state to be worked on and no permission is asked you just get it, it not a drug so that leaves your brain open to the many meds that they throw at it. There job is to to save you any way they can if damaged that's just life. like Cancer chemo may stop cancer, but damages your other body organs so do meds but for some of us there is no other choice. I don't care how many meds I take I no what I am like without them, but I do chose the ones I take