[GentleSoul585]

I could really use some help.
I have been feeling like I don't want to live anymore and nothing has been changing. I've been feeling like this for months.
I've had thoughts recently of ways to get rid of myself but I think about my son and sometimes it stops me from thinking further.
But the pain of my depression and the suicidal thoughts occur weekly.
I've had thoughts several times this week.

I feel like I just want to feel better and it's been years since I have felt better.
I've talked to doctors. My wife yells at my and tells me that if I go into the hospital she will lose her job because she will have to take care of my son full-time.

I don't know what to do. I've been on 4 different medicines over the last few months and none have worked out for me.

It's like everyone is talking me out of going to the hospital but I feel like nothing is working.

Should I still go to the hospital?
I don't want to hurt my son by committing suicide but sometimes I feel like it will be the only way the pain and depression will stop.

[depressedalaskan]

(((GentleSoul585))) Do you have a psychiatrist? If so, try to have him/her help you. If it is life or death, take the hospital. I've been in the hospital 3 times. The first time was for one day. Second time 2 1/2 days and the third time 9 days. If you are thinking this far ahead maybe you can help find someone to watch your child while you are gone.

[cogitoergosum]

Does your inner pain has some main reasons why you are suffering?

[shabur]

Definitely talk to your pdoc. If you don't have one I suggest you talk to your GP. You need to take care of you. Your life matters. I have been hospitalized for being suicidal. It's a safe place when you are where you are.
Bottom line, if you do something and you are gone, your wife will be in the same situation - forever.

[Idiot17]

((((((Gentlesoul))))))
No advice from me yet if it helps know you're not alone in feeling such.

[regretful]

Don't give up; I was at that point in December of last year; it was the thought of leaving my wife and son behind that kept me connected. No matter how bad it gets, I thought to myself, I wouldn't want to leave either of them wondering if they could have done something - anything - to keep me connected and around. I would never want them to be survivors of my demise. As others have stated, get some additional help. If your wife has to take care of your son, she can probably get time through FMLA (if you are in the US). This is serious stuff; stay connected for your son, and get help for yourself. I did not want to go to the hospital, and even though it was not "treatment", staying there for a week probably saved my life.

[Altered Moment]

I have been there many times. For me it does change. I cycle out of them and do good for a period and then right back in it. If you have to go to the hospital then do it. If you are in imminent danger then you have to. My daughter is often what keeps me from getting to serious about following through.

Four meds in two months suggests to me that you are not giving them enough time to work. It can take 4 to 6 weeks for an AD to start working. your doc should know this. Definitely talk to a pdoc. FMLA may be an option for your wife. They can't touch her job or insurance. But it is unpaid leave.

Reach out to a therapist and a pdoc and whatever resources are available to you. It is a very serious matter. Solutions take a lot of persistence and patients. I wish it were different for all of us but it is a serious sometimes hard to treat disease and not your fault.