After a year of depression, solitude, after loving someone who doesn't even care about me, after spending a whole year feeling like crap, I now have to do everything again, while watching everyone of these satisfied bastard graduating in joy...

I don't even know why I post that... I guess I just had to say it.

[highd]

relax, it's only a year, I wasted 8 in moping and whining all the things that weren't going for me instead of working on myself, I got addicted to drugs and literally threw away every chance at happiness that came my way....do not do the same....and getting over regret of 8 years is far easier than one. work hard next year.

I just don't know why work. Nothing pushes me forward. I wish I had one, only one reason to live, to be happy for, but nothing... Things just keep on getting worse, and I'm wondering what to do...

[Yoda]

What exactly do you mean when you say things are getting worse? Your mood? Friendships? Focusing on school work? Other?

Everything. Social mess, no motivation, unstable psychologically. I wonder why I carry on ?

Originally Posted by Kamiomi

I just don't know why work. Nothing pushes me forward. I wish I had one, only one reason to live, to be happy for, but nothing... Things just keep on getting worse, and I'm wondering what to do...

I know so much where you're coming from. There is not even ONE reason that you can tell yourself as to why you need to keep going. I feel the exact same thing. The only thing keeping me going is to know that if I don't continue, I owe people money, and my arse would land in jail if I didn't carry on in order to repay them. I continue only for ultimatums/reasons provided by others, not by me.

[GenCat]

I am suppose to be a Junior in college but I was told I was still a sophomore. You know what I say to them? F*** you! College to me is less important than my health. If I'm not healthy enough for college I put it on the back burner. There is always time to go get a degree, there won't always be time to fix your health.

And as for the friends, you will meet new ones and you will grow socially when the time is right for you. I often asked myself, is having more friends in college worth keeping up a social face than caring for who I am and how I feel? Of course friends help you not to be lonely, but if they are not really your friends, you feel more lonely.

Focus on YOU not others at this fragile stage in your life.

[Mich90]

GenCat is totally right of course. Focus on you.

I had the same experience at varsity. Depressed as hell, wasted loving an idiot, zero friends, so lonely, failed failed failed... And all for a degree that I eventually finished and is useless. Kinda wasted 4 years of my life there. Also I tried to commit suicide, and not the 'call for help' kind, the 'I want to die' kind. Desperately unhappy.

Now I'm back at varsity for a new degree in a class with people 4 years younger than me, but I couldn't be happier to be honest. As for friends and love interests, there will be many, and the next bunch of people you befriend probably won't last forever either, because you'll meet new ones soon enough after them too. This is life.

My point is, whether you waste/repeat a year or even 4, don't let that define you. It gets better, you can be happy and it will be worth the wait. Don't compare yourself to the people that are graduating, not everyone follows the same paths in life. You should be your only competition, focus on getting better and everything else will follow.

I know you're feeling like hell, and you could probably create a counter argument for every piece of advice given (I could have when I felt like you), but I'm speaking from experience and I have felt what you feel so many many times. But you could be happy, and that's all that I want you to know.

[EglantineRose]

Hello. I know you must feel bad for not passing the year (I have had similar experiences) but try not to be so hard on yourself- you were very depressed, and yet you still went and tried your best, and this in itself is something to be very proud of. I really like this quote:

“You never fail until you stop trying.”
― Albert Einstien

My suggestion for you is to focus on your health and feeling better, and if you feel
ready to go back to school next year, just do the best that you can. Focusing on
committments like work and school can be very hard when you have depression. I hope things get better for you.

[EglantineRose]

Originally Posted by Kamiomi

I just don't know why work. Nothing pushes me forward. I wish I had one, only one reason to live, to be happy for, but nothing... Things just keep on getting worse, and I'm wondering what to do...

I feel this way too. All you can do is simply hope for the best and keep trying different ways to improve the way you feel, whether it is through therapy, medication, excercise, activities, etc. Things will get better.

[JustShakey]

I wasted 14. Go figure
I agree with previous poster's quote, you never fail til you stop trying.

[glok]

Hello, Kamiomi. Does your college have counselors that you can see. What you describe needs the attention of a professional.

[Yoda]

I dropped out of university after two years because I had a different major every semester and didn't know what to do with my life. I then worked at McDonalds for a few years; working there was good because after a bit I decided that I didn't want to work fast food all my life and wanted a career that used my brain more. So I finally got an ADN when I was 26 y/o and got my BA when I was 32 y/o. Actually it is quite common for people to take at least 5 years to get a BA or BS. So you are in good company.

Can you take the summer (or longer) off and find a job while you try to get your ducks in a row?

[herethennow]

Hey Kamiomi, I wasted a year too... that's when I wasn't receiving any help. Was in the throes of depression and basically ran away from it. Now I'm in college, though overwhelmed, I'm still going okay.

Was wondering whether there is any help you're receiving right now that would be of use to you?

[Altered Moment]

I am 50 and dropped out of college twice due to depression. A student when doing well and then the depression would hit and I couldn't make it to class. Ended up a plumber my whole life. The expectations on myself and what I perceived were the expectations of my parents and society was a hard thing to deal with. I did deal with it though and have accepted that I can only do my best given what tools I have and the nature of my disease. Letting go of expectations and living one day at a time is a good strategy for me when I can do it. It doesn't mean I don't plan and set goals but they are more realistic and more short term. Maybe take fewer classes to relieve some stress and don't worry about being done in four years of six years for that matter.

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[Hellion]

I dropped out my second year...developed PTSD after a trauma that happened at my highschool so went to college with trying to manage untreated PTSD while trying to forget about it and convince myself I didn't care about what happened enough to have PTSD. So yeah part way through the second year I wasn't going to class, felt like crap over-all and tried to fix it all by doing a bunch of drugs, trying to make friends(ended up with 'friends' who used me) and really thought maybe I'd just figure something out before I had to officially move out of the dorms.

If you've made it to one year below graduation you did much better than I did...anyways is there any way to maybe take a break from college to get treatment for the mental health like maybe go to therapy and such? I mean just trying to push through without acknowledging and treating the mental issues can easily burn you out...in my experience it seems it can burn you out for good.

[Snoopysmom]

I'm about to start college for the 5th try. I've dropped out of junior college that many times. I've always stopped due to my health. I've switched majors this time from Early Child Development to Behavioral Health Science. I feel your pain. I've given up many times. Tried doing the homework from the psych unit even. I quit school for several years got my disability and now am healthy enough to focus on school and work part-time babysitting a great kiddo.

The point is take a year or two off to make real friends, work if you can or need to, FOCUS on YOU, do something that makes you happy, talk to an advisor and take it easy in yourself for awhile. ((((HUGS)))))

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