[littlemiss44]

I've battled depression my whole life tho I wasn't dx until 1996 at age 26. I live with bp depression. I was in the hospitals iop program and left it about 7 weeks ago. During that time my mom's cancer got really bad and she died June 16th.

When I was at the hospital.they increased by anti depressant by 10mg. I started to feel really good even tho my mom was sick. My mom and I had a hard relationship. She was emotionally abusive and didn't show me any kind of love. There are things I loved about my mom but the relationship was rough. Even while she was dying she wasn't very nice to me. Her passing has been hard on me nonetheless.

My father lacks love, compassion and is also emotionally abusive towards me. Since she died he has gotten 10x worse than before. I know he's grieving too but he has always been really mean to me anyways. Nothing new. So I'm wondering what you all think of my situation...I'm back to feeling so depressed. Those good feelings I got back at the hospital are now gone. I'm desperate. I so want those feelings back! I'm sad about my mom and I've been grieving but at the same time I feel relieved that I don't have to be put down by her anymore.

Is what I'm feeling normal? I know what my depression feels like and this is it. Her death caused me to go hypomanic then I crashed big time. I know meds only go so far but I'm tempted to increase my anti depressant on my own. Any thoughts on my situation? I.just really feel lost and I need some support. Thanks for reading my long winded post.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, littlemiss44. Remember that depression is a normal part of the grieving process. You might want to post in the Grief and Loss forum to see what the folks there have to say. What you are feeling is normal.

Losing one's parents is hard. Your dad might be having some depression, too, which is coming out in his anger.

Please don't increase your meds on your own. Talk to your doctor about your situation. And you might find it helpful to see a therapist. Okay?

[littlemiss44]

Thank you for yr reply...yr right my dads anger is probably grief but it hurts just the same. I got to spend the last 5 weeks with my mom before she died which was good. In fact I was the last person who spoke to her before she passed. At that point she wasn't talking and I told her it was ok to go...that we would take care of dad etc. I think my Dr would be hesitant to increase my meds because I am grieving. I just hate depression but who doesn't...it sucks the life right out of you.

[Travelinglady]

Yes, depression is certainly not fun. It sounds like you did all you could for your mom. It is sad that your dad is taking out his anger on you. But I guess he knows it's safe to do that.