[Ixodon]

I am getting really concerned and very depressed about my life, I have no direction, and don't know what to do about it. I feel like I am in stuck in a situation and don't know how to get out and there are many areas of my life that concern me greatly. One of my biggest concerns is, what do I want to do in life in terms of a career or college, or what are some better paying jobs out there that don't require a college education? This area has been a huge question for me. I'm 24 now, and I don't feel any different than when I was 18 years old when I just graduated high school when it comes to this situation, I've just been clueless about what career I want to pursue. Everytime I come across ideas for a career or read about it, I don't really feel anything towards it....like I don't feel like "Yeah, now THAT'S exactly what I want to do!" or "Yeah, that's the right career for me!" I just feel either alot of uncertainty, or alot of disinterest, or feeling like some things might be too hard or I might not be able to do it or be interested in doing it. I never actually majored in anything in college, I only went to a community college just to take a few general courses. I did go to a vocational school for a Computer Repair program and got a certificate for that when I graduated. This particular school I went to ensured you that you will get job placement for whatever trade you took, well that didn't happen, because the only job recommendations I got after I graduated that program was more warehouse, call center, or retail store type of jobs, and unfortunately, I don't even remember anything about repairing a computer or all the technical things about computers so I feel as if those certifications won't do me any good anyway.


I feel this very deep empty feeling and just dead inside, like my life has no meaning or no importance or value, and that I really don't have anything to look forward to in life, or as if I have no purpose in life. Sometimes I wonder why am I even here. I never look forward to the next day because I know all it's going to be is me going to work again at a warehouse just scanning boxes and throwing boxes on conveyer belts all day. I feel like for my age, I am very behind in multiple areas, especially compared to a lot of other people my same age or other friends. I still live with my parents, and I have never moved out or had my own apartment or lived with roommates. I feel terrible about that. I'm hoping to move out later this year with one other friend, so hopefully that'll work. My dating life is non-existent...I haven't had a girlfriend in years, and that's really starting to bother me really bad. I feel like those 2 things alone are greatly wearing down on how I feel about myself, how I view myself as a person and my self esteem, and making me feel like I am a total failure. The whole relationship/dating history of my life is very small compared to a lot of people my age, I've barely dated, and when I have, it hasn't lasted longer than 2-3 months, meanwhile there are a lot of guys my age who have had several long-term relationships or have had many hook ups or many options when it comes to girls. There are some days that I feel really lonely and just wish I had a girl to spend time with. I understand that a girlfriend is not the answer to your problems or your depression but alot of times I wish I had that type of connection or spark with a girl. This really brings me down and makes me wonder if something's wrong with me.


There are some days where I seriously wish I was dead so I don't have to keep thinking about or worrying about the things I think or worry about, or so that I don't have to feel like every day has no point or that every day doesn't move on to something better, my mind is never really at peace. Even though I feel all these things, I don't have the guts to go through with killing myself. I don't want to risk killing myself before things get better if things were to, as well as there are certain things that I haven't gotten to do yet that I would like to accomplish. I don't want to keep going through life feeling empty or like a failure or as if I have no purpose, feeling like a lot of people are above my level, or never looking forward to the next day. I wish I had a job/career that I could enjoy doing, look forward to doing and pays a lot, but I can't think of what that is. I'm scared about my life and where my life is heading, it scares me thinking about my future, I don't want things to continue like this but I don't know what to do or where to start.

[flours]

Hi Ixodon,

sorry I don't have any good advice for you. I can just tell you that I'm in a similar situation and even older than you. don't know if that makes you feel any better. I hope so.

I know about feeling stuck with career and like there will be no interesting or somewhat not-horrible job out there for me.
also I didn't have a relationship in a very long time. and although I know that you don't need that for being happy and that they can be very stressful I still feel like a failure because it seems I am interesting to nobody in this world. and also I could use some company.
I've watched really unfriendly people finding partners and they also didn't look like models either and I just can't figure out how it works. when I had relationships (much) earlier in my life it didn't seem that difficult at all.

the feelings that my life is not going to be any better and that everything -even living- is pointless however I have had only since I've experienced depression.

I wouldn't trust those feelings!
they can go away and you may look at things more optimistically in a while.
so if you feel hopeless it doesn't mean that it will be like this forever.

[paynful]

I find myself in a similar situation, and completely empathize. I've recently started to make some moves that I feel are in the right direction. So my following advice... (if it can really be considered advice rather than my opinion) is on what has worked best for me and my state of mind.

I have to start by saying... I know it is easier said than done, and if I could follow my own advice I would be much "further" in my life than I am now. So, I completely understand if this sounds like nonsense to you.

First, I know it is difficult, but you really can't compare yourself and your progress to anyone else. No one else has dealt with what you have or have had to cope with your struggles (whether they are internal or external).

You personal relationships and career path are your own ...and even if you had a high paying job or had dozen of relationships, it doesn't mean that they would be WORTH much of anything to you. You have to follow your own path and let your heart guide you to what makes you happy. Everyone else can go screw. Let's face it, if it doesn't make you happy... what is the point? Especially, when dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts.

I find myself ...aimless. I feel lost without a driving purpose. If there isn't something motivating me in my life... the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is my addiction to coffee. Pathetic but true. I need something meaningful, something "bigger" than myself and my pain/depression to get me moving. Most of the time I can't see past my own pain. Unfortunately, all I want to is be happy... but I can't figure out WHAT that "thing" is that will make me happy. It's definitely not a new car, or any one man over another, or a thriving profession. Closest that I've come to finding my bliss is meeting my emotional needs... although coffee, a good book, BBQ and/or Snickers don't exactly hurt my situation.

I have, also, been in a place of, "what's the point, is this pain really worth this meaningless existence?" Every time I have gotten to that point, my following thoughts are usually, "well, if I'm going to die anyways, why not try this one last thing... it's not like it could get worse than being dead?!" Morbid, I know, but that's what keeps my "hope" going. Try one last thing.

I don't have a career path, a passion, or even a decent hobby. So, I had to start with what does NOT make me miserable. Once I ruled those out, I moved onto what would motivate me to get out of bed DESPITE my misery and apathy. 9 times out of 10, it was something or some one depending on me. Being needed... even if it was as simple as my dog needing to be let outside. Then, I expanded upon it.

After explaining my (long-winded, sorry!) process, my opinion is simply to stop sweating the nonsense details and expectations of others', and focus on whatever brings you joy. You can literally make a career out of anything these days. You just have to find the right angle that works for you.

If all else fails, start taking different volunteer positions/internships to explore different feilds. Even if it doesn't sound interesting, it will get you outside your comfort zone, keep you occupied, and could lead to meeting new people and exploring different options.

I mean... what do you have to lose? But keep yourself safe, and follow your intuition... if it doesn't seem like the right fit, don't force it.

[Ixodon]

Originally Posted by paynful

I find myself in a similar situation, and completely empathize. I've recently started to make some moves that I feel are in the right direction. So my following advice... (if it can really be considered advice rather than my opinion) is on what has worked best for me and my state of mind.

I have to start by saying... I know it is easier said than done, and if I could follow my own advice I would be much "further" in my life than I am now. So, I completely understand if this sounds like nonsense to you.

First, I know it is difficult, but you really can't compare yourself and your progress to anyone else. No one else has dealt with what you have or have had to cope with your struggles (whether they are internal or external).

You personal relationships and career path are your own ...and even if you had a high paying job or had dozen of relationships, it doesn't mean that they would be WORTH much of anything to you. You have to follow your own path and let your heart guide you to what makes you happy. Everyone else can go screw. Let's face it, if it doesn't make you happy... what is the point? Especially, when dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts.

I find myself ...aimless. I feel lost without a driving purpose. If there isn't something motivating me in my life... the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is my addiction to coffee. Pathetic but true. I need something meaningful, something "bigger" than myself and my pain/depression to get me moving. Most of the time I can't see past my own pain. Unfortunately, all I want to is be happy... but I can't figure out WHAT that "thing" is that will make me happy. It's definitely not a new car, or any one man over another, or a thriving profession. Closest that I've come to finding my bliss is meeting my emotional needs... although coffee, a good book, BBQ and/or Snickers don't exactly hurt my situation.

I have, also, been in a place of, "what's the point, is this pain really worth this meaningless existence?" Every time I have gotten to that point, my following thoughts are usually, "well, if I'm going to die anyways, why not try this one last thing... it's not like it could get worse than being dead?!" Morbid, I know, but that's what keeps my "hope" going. Try one last thing.

I don't have a career path, a passion, or even a decent hobby. So, I had to start with what does NOT make me miserable. Once I ruled those out, I moved onto what would motivate me to get out of bed DESPITE my misery and apathy. 9 times out of 10, it was something or some one depending on me. Being needed... even if it was as simple as my dog needing to be let outside. Then, I expanded upon it.

After explaining my (long-winded, sorry!) process, my opinion is simply to stop sweating the nonsense details and expectations of others', and focus on whatever brings you joy. You can literally make a career out of anything these days. You just have to find the right angle that works for you.

If all else fails, start taking different volunteer positions/internships to explore different feilds. Even if it doesn't sound interesting, it will get you outside your comfort zone, keep you occupied, and could lead to meeting new people and exploring different options.

I mean... what do you have to lose? But keep yourself safe, and follow your intuition... if it doesn't seem like the right fit, don't force it.

Hey thanks a lot, what you said really made me think about some things or put things in an interesting point of view. I do work on myself or work on things that make me feel better, a few things that make me happy doing or make me feel productive is either practicing or writing music or working out. I have participated in a songwriting event a little while ago and plan to participate in it again sometime soon. Really the only goal I have as of right now is to move out which will hopefully be within a few months. Focusing on either a goal in life or whatever you're good at is really important, and can put you in a little better of a mood.