[Juuso]

Why is it that I have all so good, all basic needs, and much more, yet I still can't feel happy? I'm writing this on a airplane flying back home from a holiday, how many people can never do something like this, but are happy with they have? And here I am, ungrateful, arrogant, simply put, an idiot, ready to kill myself because things aren't going well. Something that pops up to my mind instantly is, do I even deserve to live this live. Many would kill for a life like mine yet I'm the one that wants out of it. I'm the one that is 'suffering'. I've thought about it so many times, what would happen if a life like this was suddenly gone? Well, honestly, not much at all would change, perhaps it would even be better, no need for anyone to worry about that one kid who has a great life but still isn't happy? It's kinda funny though, I don't think I even remember happiness... I just want out.

I was just writing down thoughts while on the plane home... That's what came out, I didn't want to edit it at all, so it's written horribly. On the other hand, I still haven't gone to see anyone for all.. 'this' yet, and I think my anxiety and depression is slowly taking a hold of me because every day I feel more and more like giving up on the idea of seeing anyone, giving up in general. I don't even know if it'll help at all anyway...

[Little Lulu]

You may have issues with chronic depression/anxiety but returning home from a holiday is never my best time so maybe you are a feeling more down than usual. Try to ride these feelings out and see if they pass as you get back to your usual life.

And, ask for help if you need it.

[Clara22]

Hi Juuso
Do you have any "up" during your vacation that you can recall, or everything was just down?

[Juuso]

Eh, it mostly sucked. I didn't want to go on it in the first place, I would've much rather stayed home not doing anything, but I was forced to go or I didn't have a place to stay.

[Little Jay]

sending hugs! I think you definitely need to reach out for support - there is help available, and even though it may take a lot of time, that eventually things should start to get a bit better.

I understand exactly how you feel when you say that you have so much but still can't be happy. It's just the depression talking, sometimes it clouds over everything so much that we can't even see the good in the best things in life.

Stay strong, and keep talking to us here if it helps. I also think reaching out to a doctor or a family member about these thoughts and feelings would definitely be a step in the right direction too.