[milk-sheik]

Hello everybody. I subscribed to his forum days back and finally decided to post about my situation.

I am a 30 year old male suffering from Depression. I am a Graphic, Web and 3D designer.

It started when I lost my father 2 years ago through cancer. Four months later I lost my grandmother…to whom I was quite attached. Then after that I went through a separation from my fiancée. It was my decision to end an 8 year old relationship. At the same time, my sister got divorced and I decided to give her a place to stay in my house. I thought that may be it would be better to have somebody here with me rather than being alone. But my sister already had her plans (and I don’t blame her) and didn’t see my depression as something serious enough.

I am a loner by nature. I don’t have a lot of friends. I choose them carefully that’s why. I have been deceived times and times again in the past and since some years I learnt that lesson. I am also not really a family guy. Ideally my life would revolve only around my spouse or girlfriend and may be our kids.

Lately…it has become more and more difficult. I had a home business with my now girlfriend. Fierce competition has forced us to leave that for a job. My current girlfriend has been around for 4 years… We were friends before and now fiancés since December 2013. We have been looking for jobs since almost a year now… and she got one since 2 months. Although I am genuinely happy for her…I am left alone once again and this time it’s really hard. Although she has tried to sort out a way to be with me and work at the same time (something which I really appreciate)…it’s hard. As soon as she’s not with me…the same feeling of loneliness overtakes me. I must admit that I am lost at this moment. I am trying as hard as I can to keep myself busy with my hobbies…painting, reading…etc. And besides all, I am still applying for jobs and all.

I hope that I find a solution soon. Being able to talk about it is already a big step for me.

I am sorry if this post was a bit lengthy…but my God I feel better

[pegasus]

Hello Loneliness, welcome to Psych Central.

I wonder if you are mistaking the loneliness for grief? Grief can take a long time and with losing two family members close together, that is really hard.

Please keep sharing with us, it helps to write it out and you'll find a lot of support here.

[kaliope]

hi lonliness
I think pegs might be on target. have you considered counseling for your depression. you might find it helpful. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[milk-sheik]

Thank you guys

Well the latest thing which brought me really down was when I asked my fiancée for some support...

I asked her if she could be here the whole day... (she works from 8 am to 5 pm). She did try to manage a special leave for two weeks. She was home by 2pm. Now that leave is over...

I really need her at this time but she clearly told me that she chooses work over me. I guess that it's a hard reality and I just have to accept this too.

As for grief...yes that was it at the beginning. Now it's Dep... But I don't want to stay like this for too much a long time. I choose to live. I choose to fight. And I'll do it on my own.

I already told her that we'll be meeting each other during weekends only. This saddens her... but it's necessary for me. I can't bear that torture having her here part time at this moment.

Thanks again guys.

P.S I have started moving things around the house. My worktable now faces a window. I can see outside while working. It really helps.

[Altered Moment]

That is a lot of situational stuff to deal with. Sounds like you need support outside of your girl friend. Can't blame her for working. If you found a job wouldn't you go to work each day?

People can get stuck in the depression stage of grief and need some help processing the grief. There is no time limit and it is normal to bounce back and forth between stages. If you are stuck get help.

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