[lilacwine3124]

I'm 16 and have been depressed for a while. I began seeing a therapist almost two years ago, and I've been on medication for a little over a year. My parents have been separated for a long time, but recently got divorced. Both my siblings (who I am very close with) are in college. I am a very antisocial person, but I have a few good friends. Most of the time, I don't want to hang out with them though. I feel so alone. I'm close with my parents, but I don't think they understand my feelings, so I push them away. I hate myself. I think of myself as a horrible person for pushing people who love me away. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. Some days are good. I feel happy and energetic and positive. But other days, I have no motivation or energy and I don't want to do anything. I just sink into this dark hole and don't have the energy to get out, so I let myself go further and further. I'm not suicidal, but I do cut sometimes. I believe that I am a smart person and have a bright future, but it's the "now" that is the hardest. I feel so guilty for being sad, which makes me hate myself even more. Sometimes I wish I could just be in the hospital. Is that bad? I don't have the will to take care of myself anymore. I just need help but I don't know how to get it.

Sorry for the long post, I just had to get my feelings out there. Thanks for reading.

I really relate to you on this. You've been through a terrible time - depression is hell. And it's not weird to wish for hospitalisation. All it means is you want to be saved and you desperately want to help yourself - which is a good thing.
Keep going.

[sideblinded]

I don't mean to add to this in a negative way. I can relate as well to both of you. Depression is so hard and it steals so much energy and goodness from life.

There is hope and I know it but it is so hard to see through muddled glasses. I am just barely coping right now. I made another call to my pdoc's office to better explain my depression problem. I won't hear from them since it is Friday but they need to know anyway.

Again, I say asking for help is in no way a weakness. Depression is a disease and it is treatable. Please ask for help if you need to. No shame there.

If it's any help, I'll pray for you both. BTW...Welcome lilacwine3124 to PsychCentral !
MDD
GAD
ADHD

[sideblinded]

Originally Posted by lilacwine3124

I'm 16 and have been depressed for a while. I began seeing a therapist almost two years ago, and I've been on medication for a little over a year. My parents have been separated for a long time, but recently got divorced. Both my siblings (who I am very close with) are in college. I am a very antisocial person, but I have a few good friends. Most of the time, I don't want to hang out with them though. I feel so alone. I'm close with my parents, but I don't think they understand my feelings, so I push them away. I hate myself. I think of myself as a horrible person for pushing people who love me away. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. Some days are good. I feel happy and energetic and positive. But other days, I have no motivation or energy and I don't want to do anything. I just sink into this dark hole and don't have the energy to get out, so I let myself go further and further. I'm not suicidal, but I do cut sometimes. I believe that I am a smart person and have a bright future, but it's the "now" that is the hardest. I feel so guilty for being sad, which makes me hate myself even more. Sometimes I wish I could just be in the hospital. Is that bad? I don't have the will to take care of myself anymore. I just need help but I don't know how to get it.

Sorry for the long post, I just had to get my feelings out there. Thanks for reading.

lilacwine3124

This looks like your first post on the forums. Post in the "new member introductions" forum and you'll get a more proper welcome from the community liaisons and they will give you more info and help in navigating this forum. Best wishes!