[lostMyWind]

Lately... it's been a struggle to do ANYTHING. The simplest tasks seem to take monumental effort. I'm at work with a laundry list of things I need to get done, but I can't seem to even get started on anything. It is at once overwhelming and tedious.

At home, I just want to climb into bed and stay there... my girlfriend is getting frustrated with my lethargy. I managed to take care of a few things yesterday, even had a couple of good laughs and managed to be intimate with her (which did lift my mood for a bit ), but honestly... it required a massive amount of will power.

I just want to be able to do life again... this sucks. Where has all my energy gone?!

[gayleggg]

Have you had a recent checkup to make sure it's nothing physical? If not, I would start there. Sounds like you might be suffering from depression, but without a checkup you can't be sure. Make an appointment with your doctor and get a diagnosis. Good luck, maybe it's something simple.

[Frankbtl]

Hi lostmywind, OK first the "laundry list" cover some of the things up on that/put them out of your mind, hey? It's completely understandable how you might be feeling overwhelmed looking at x amount of things.......and wondering how on earth are you going to make it through a fraction of that, and feeling any energy you have zapped away by just looking at......thinking about.........One thing at a time, hey? Just pick the things to start with that matter most and work your way from there. And you can only do what you can do, right?
And with your girlfriend have you really told her exactly how you're feeling. I'd hope she'd understand if you did, but if you haven't who knows maybe she's thinking you're not as interested in her or the relationship anymore.
Likely it's hard to keep that interest with the way you're feeling, but that's a bit different than she may be thinking.
I have got to say, really good on you for trying to push through this and gather the willpower to try to break through, though. And real kudos to you for that!!
But it sounds like it isn't at all easy, and sometimes at times like this it just takes a little extra help. And there's nothing at all wrong with that. In fact it's really good that you're sharing it with us!!
And I'd second the- get a checkup with your doctor and take it from there. Whether it's physical or whether it's depression at least you're going to have somewhere clearer to work from.
And you know while you're going to/getting it checked out we're still around if you want to talk.........if we can be there for you/help/support you in anyway.
Oh, and btw welcome to PC!!!

Alison

[lostMyWind]

I do have a physical coming in a month or two. Had to switch doctors because I "lost" my last one in the divorce.

I suspect my blood pressure is on the rise again... my diet is shot and I've put on about 60lbs. in the past year. I'm sure that's got something to do with it. It's a vicious circle though... need to exercise and diet to get healthy and feel better, but I dont have the energy to excercise and I'm so hooked on comfort foods I catch myself eating garbage without even thinking...

At least on the diet front I had a tiny victory... managed to avoid the snack machine and had carrots with ranch dressing instead. Not anywhere close to the cookies I wanted, but I've tried to take comfort in knowing it was the healthier choice...

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"...if the Good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates!"
-Willy Wonka

[Frankbtl]

Hi LostMyWind,
I'm guessing it's not just lacking the energy that's stopping you from exercising etc, maybe lack of motivation too if you're feeling as you do, which has to make it even harder. Is there anyway you can think of something to make the exercising a bit easier (and we "only" need to be talking about doing some extra walking or something like that for now).
Maybe plan in an evening walks to somewhere with your girlfriend, doesn't have to be that far to begin with?? And I know you're probably desperate to get home after work, but any way you could walk a bit more of the distance there/back even with using public transport??
Even something like swimming, I know that's got to sound really hard with how you're feeling, but it probably isn't going to feel like you're putting in as much energy as with some other active things.
Just some thoughts
But for the diet........that was a real victory in my book!!! Respect!! I'm not too good on the "healthy" diet bit, myself
But you know there are quite a few healthy options that are really filling out there, maybe experiment a bit more?? Inc, having plenty of "healthier" food really accessible if you feel a craving for.........anything.
And that doesn't mean that you can't allow yourself some "comfort" food at times either, just maybe try scheduling them in.
But you know, if depression is causing/contributing/adding to everything maybe worth trying to look at that aspect as well, because it can make motivation, finding the energy to........that much harder.
And you just dropped in "the divorce" there!! Any chance that could have had a bit of an impact, if not causing depression then triggering it or adding to it?? Even if you were sure that it was completely the right thing to do, things like that can still hurt/leave their effects on you regardless.
Try to get your appointment with the doctor a little sooner though, hey? And keep on talking to us!!
Alison

[lostMyWind]

Oh I can say with certainty that the divorce is the cause of my depression. When I get some time I'll post the gory details in the appropriate forum. For the time being, let's just say that my ex moved back in with her mother and has used a seemingly bottomless pit of money to hammer me with a VERY nasty attorney. She's tried keeping my kids from me, has destroyed me financially and is now attempting to completely wrest my children from me entirely. This has been going on for almost 2 years.

The root source of it is plain and clear. Dealing with it is another matter entirely.

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"...if the Good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates!"
-Willy Wonka

[Fuzzybear]

[Frankbtl]

Hi lostMyWind, well I can completely understand all that causing the way you're feeling, and having to cope with the situation for so long as well. Are you in touch with any "mutual" friends or is there a member of her family you could talk to who could do some mediation for you??
I mean some things can't be undone (and at least you've cut personal ties with her) but if you could at least keep the contact going with your children.............And you are going to have some rights in relation to your children, some that are going to be hard to overturn.
Don't know whether any of these links may help, but.......:
https://fathers4kids.com/
List of Fathers' Rights Organizations in the U.S.
And all the support you can get, hey? So, is your girlfriend supportive to you in all of this? Maybe you could let her know some things she could do to help you in the way you're feeling/and in what's going on for you
But as much as you can try to focus on you as well, hey? It's easy to see how all this could almost consume you, whether you're constantly thinking about it or not. If you can try to do something/s for you, to try and push away the depression just a little, or even get some very brief escape from it...........whether that's pushing yourself to go out and do something, taking a break from "routine" or just taking a little more "time out"...............something that works just a bit more for you.

Alison