[monkeybruv]

So. Sorry if this is a bit confused or pointless, but I feel awful. It would be good if someone could make some sense of this for me, I don't have the energy atm.

So me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years. We've barely gone a day without seeing each other (3 weeks was the max). We've had quite a volitile relationship as we both suffer from depression, last year it was terrible because he got very paranoid about abandonment, and me talking about him to people etc and I wasn't well enough either to handle it. I'm doing a lot better now, he too - I'm abroad atm. We initially had a big fight because he told me to go for it then after guilted me about not having realised he was just doing it to make me happy. I love him, but I'm functioning a lot better without him.
My time abroad is coming to a close and the people I'm staying with here need me to come back for two weeks a week after i go home. they said my bf could stay with me. he declined, iasked if he'd be upset if I went alone and he was very hurt and angry, said horrible things about the family and about me being 'bought' by them, and that he can't be with someone who doesn't listen and does the exact thing that he's just said he's scared of (he'd recently told me he's afraid i'm going to spend loads of time away from him and he'll have to wait all the time, and that he can't be with me if i leave him again).
i have to make a decision tonight and i know that when he gets upset the conversation goes around and around forever, until we're both too tired and upset to talk any more. so i'm going to say i'm going to go, because i know if i don't and it's because of this, i'll resent him (and we're meant to be spending the next year together at uni). am i wrong?

[waterknob1234]

I am not sure what to tell you. I think you will have to follow your heart on this one. But it is starting to sound like this is a relationship where you will always be arguing and he will always be very needy. Why doesn't he want to go over there with you if the family invited him and said he could come? Is there a job or something he is afraid to leave.? This is going to be entirely your decision dear. Do some soul-searching. You have to be comfortable with and live with the decision you make. An odd statement you made was that you love him, but you are functioning a lot better without him. Best of wishes to you dear.

[monkeybruv]

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

I am not sure what to tell you. I think you will have to follow your heart on this one. But it is starting to sound like this is a relationship where you will always be arguing and he will always be very needy. Why doesn't he want to go over there with you if the family invited him and said he could come? Is there a job or something he is afraid to leave.? This is going to be entirely your decision dear. Do some soul-searching. You have to be comfortable with and live with the decision you make. An odd statement you made was that you love him, but you are functioning a lot better without him. Best of wishes to you dear.

Thanks, I think you're right. The thing is that I understand him and think he's a beautiful person - he's extremely sensitive, for better and worse. he doesn't want to come because it's not his thing (he's quite private and quiet and there are 3 kids here!) and he needs to save the money - and i'd rather that than he came and was a black cloud. he's not just upset he won't see me, he's more upset that I suggested it at all after he told me he was feeling afraid of abandonment. But I have to admit, regardless of how many excuses i make for him, regardless of how good the good times are, the bad times are awful and incapacitating.