Depression and Family

When i was 13 years old i started going to counseling and they had told my mom that i was depressed and filled with anger. I didn't want to go to school or go out with my friends anymore i just wanted to be alone. When i was younger my best friend died when she was 18 and then a couple months after that my great aunt who i was really close to died and thats when everything went down hill. I am now 18 and things have been getting a little bit better since then but i have lost two more people that i was really close to my aunt and uncle died. My aunt died in february of a stroke she was in the hospital on life support for 4 days and the family decided it was her time to go it killed me inside when my mom told me that she was gone all i did was cry for days because she was like a second grandmother to me, My fiance at the time did everything he could do to help me he would just hold me while i cried or talk to me but nothing would make me feel better i just wanted to hear her voice one last time. My family had just went and saw her not even a week before this happened. my uncle died last august of cancer him and i werent really close but he was a great guy and loved by everyone. Shortly after all this happened my fiance and i started fighting because he always wanted to go out and do something and he wouldnt go with out me so i pretty much just stayed in my room. The fighting got worse and worse day by day to the point he started hitting me and telling me i was worthless well i still stayed with him because i loved him i mean we were getting married in june well now that didnt happen. My family didnt get involved in my relationship with him so when this all started to happen i turned to his mother and she would talk to him and then he would get mad and blame it all on me. He is a great guy and i do still have feelings for him but im trying to move on. Right now im involved with someone i shouldnt be and i know what im doing is wrong so im trying to figure out how to break it off but im working on it. Lately i have started to feel like i did before just wanting to sleep and not do anything i havent even wanted to talk to my friends or my boyfriend and i just dont know what to do. I thought things would change as i get older but it seems like things are just getting worse and and i dont know how to talk to my mom or anyone about it. I really need some advice because things are starting to hurt me and my friends and i really dont want to do that because i start college in a couple weeks and i wanna be able to get up and go to school in the morning and pass my classes so i can get out in the world and help people just like i dream too

well it sounds like you are still depressed after all this time. have you considered returning to counseling and maybe getting on medication? it sounds like the depression is affecting your life choices which is having even more of a negative impact on you. you dream of something better but you need something in your life to get you there. counseling could help. take care.

I have considered returning to counseling but its really hard getting back and forth. im on medication right now and it seems to make things better but right now im just taking it day by day seeing how things go. i just want to be happy again

I can understand how you feel...especially your last sentence...having been happy for 95% of my life seems like a distant memory in the throes of this depression...

Its harder than a lot of people think including my family they dont get it

It really is a struggle, and I wish you well. It's doubly hard when your family does not understand. My wife tries to understand, but when it comes down to it, she really does not truly appreciate my experience with this. I'm hopeful that medication, therapy and time heal this for you...and me too...

i just made a post in self harm you should go read it hun it has more of my story in it and it explains why i do what i do and why i feel the way i do

Thanks that has made me feel a little bit better today