[Reeh]

Hi I'm Reeh and i just discovered Psych Central today. Nice to meet u all

It's only recently that i began to think i might be depressed, but im not so sure if i really have it and not just using it as an excuse for my poor grades and lack of attendance. I kinda have most characteristics of depression (my score of the depression test on this website was 77), but I still doubt that i might be faking it without me knowing. Whenever i ran into some funny videos i still can laugh, although not as much as i could before. I did lost some weight, but losing 2~3 lbs doesn't seem dramatic.

I'm a college dropout, and that puts a lot of shame on my family. Even worse is that while im trying to go back to the university i used to go (as my family wishes me to do so), im screwing up on the classes i took to raise my GPA. The materials covered are interesting, but i fail to show up to the classes.

To be honest, i don't know what to do now. Everyday i wish that i could be "somehow" caught in an accident and be gone.

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, Reeh. Does your school have counselors you might see?

I wish you well.

[Altered Moment]

Do you have any idea why you dropped out and why you now don't show up for classes? I mean do you want to go to school? Or is it all based on what others expect you to do? It can be very hard to sort out what we really want for ourselves and how much we are doing things because it is expected of us and to keep people off our backs.

If you really truly want to go to school and get good grades and are struggling to be able to do it then that is something else.

[Reeh]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

Do you have any idea why you dropped out and why you now don't show up for classes? I mean do you want to go to school? Or is it all based on what others expect you to do? It can be very hard to sort out what we really want for ourselves and how much we are doing things because it is expected of us and to keep people off our backs.

If you really truly want to go to school and get good grades and are struggling to be able to do it then that is something else.

I originally got into a university as a biochemistry major, although i didn't do so well on chemistry and biology. Now I regret that I made a poor decision when choosing a major. In fact, i chose to go to a university as a biochem so that i wouldn't embarrass myself in front of everybody else. My parents didn't tell me to go to biochem, so this is entirely my fault.

I could have chosen another major when I failed my first class, but I was too stubborn and afraid to change the major.

To be honest, I don't wish to go back to a university. My mother is worried that if I don't have a Bachelor's degree then I will starve to death on a street, but I just want to make a decision in my life myself. Still, I don't wish to disappoint my mother so...its hard to decide what should i do Maybe later on I might choose to go to a university, but I think that decision has to come from me and not from everyone else.

Maybe I am stupid and naive about life, but right now i just feel like im living someone else's life.

[Altered Moment]

I was also a bio chem major. I had the brains for it but the depression and drugs and alcohol caused me to drop out. After I got clean and sober I did a lot of work on figuring out what I really wanted compared to others expectations were. I tried it again but the depression caused me to drop out again. Somehow at the age of 20 to fifty I have managed to work as a plumber. I just fell into it, I didn't choose it. I have enjoyed it very much though and it is a living. The depression has affected me much worse in recent years and it had affected my ability to work. I still want to get a bio chem degree but who knows. I have to live within the bounds of my limitations I am afraid. It's a *****. You should make your decisions for yourself though. How I became a plumber is after failing in college I decided to get the hell away from my parents and small town and the pressures and make a life of my own. I was very proud of my independence. Damn depression still keeps getting in the way though.

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[regretful]

Originally Posted by Reeh

To be honest, i don't know what to do now. Everyday i wish that i could be "somehow" caught in an accident and be gone.

This thought, to me, suggests that depression is likely the culprit here. But you might want to get a professional opinion for such a serious matter.

[Reeh]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

I was also a bio chem major. I had the brains for it but the depression and drugs and alcohol caused me to drop out. After I got clean and sober I did a lot of work on figuring out what I really wanted compared to others expectations were. I tried it again but the depression caused me to drop out again. Somehow at the age of 20 to fifty I have managed to work as a plumber. I just fell into it, I didn't choose it. I have enjoyed it very much though and it is a living. The depression has affected me much worse in recent years and it had affected my ability to work. I still want to get a bio chem degree but who knows. I have to live within the bounds of my limitations I am afraid. It's a *****. You should make your decisions for yourself though. How I became a plumber is after failing in college I decided to get the hell away from my parents and small town and the pressures and make a life of my own. I was very proud of my independence. Damn depression still keeps getting in the way though.

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Thank you so much for the interesting and inspiring story zinco14532323. My mom is extremely concerned about my future, and she thinks that i got to have the degree now (or else i'll be homeless). Although that's different from what i want to do, I still have a feeling that maybe she's right. Too many people are unemployed, and yet im being whiny and immature. Great opportunities for the bright future have been given to me, but im throwing all of them into a dumpster.

But then, i still wish to have a life with a career (or careers) that i can truly work through and enjoy. I used to work at a library, and that was my first and so far the best job i've done. I am a piano player, a bilingual, and a digital artist, and that might lead me somewhere. Well, im not sure if that's really a rational choice.

I still can't say that i have a depression since i haven't diagnosed yet, but I'm planning to get a doctor's appointment sometime within two weeks. I want to have at least someone who is willing to listen to me. Honestly, I wish i could take my mom as well, as she always looks stressed. Although i love my mom, I'm too tired of hearing her complains.

[Altered Moment]

It is difficult when you see the statistics on wage earning potential based on education. My daughter is in community college and it is hard to know how to advise her. On the one hand I want her to make boat loads of money because of the advantages and freedom it gives you. But really I just want her to be happy.

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[regretful]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

It is difficult when you see the statistics on wage earning potential based on education. My daughter is in community college and it is hard to know how to advise her. On the one hand I want her to make boat loads of money because of the advantages and freedom it gives you. But really I just want her to be happy.

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Zinco, I have the same thoughts when it comes to my son...I just want him to be happy - I really don't want him to suffer from the same fate as I am. He's due to enter his senior year of high school and I think he's very afraid of what the next move will be...he sees a cousin of his doing really well - Ivy League scholarship, fellowship at the National Institute of Health...I don't know how to advise my son either, especially in the midst of this deep depression.

I am hopeful that things work out of this original poster. Consider your choices carefully, IMHO, and do what you really want to, not what others think is good for you. I did the latter, and as a result, I'm miserable...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by regretful

This thought, to me, suggests that depression is likely the culprit here. But you might want to get a professional opinion for such a serious matter.

[Reeh]

Thank you regretful. I appreciate your kind message, and I'm wishing you and your son the best of luck.

So, I finally got to talk to my mother yesterday about my problems, but she still insisted that I don't really have to go to a doctor as I can overcome my problems with a little bit of an effort. She then told me that I should go back to the university I used to go because it's getting harder to transfer to a different college. That might be the better choice after all, but my grade is suffering at this moment.

I really don't know what to do next, and I don't have much time and choice left. I feel extremely guilty for letting down my mom for far too many times.