[brashkoala]

I've had undiagnosed Depression and OCD since I was a kid- I was in the closet. I came out senior year of college and thought everything would be better, but it hasn't. I also started being social for the first time but I was socially awkward and weird- I didn't have any experience. I was so depressed, I always looked for guys to like me and validate me since it made me feel better about myself. When they didn't, my OCD would kick in, and I would try to control things and force them to work. When they didn't, I always blamed myself for having done something wrong. I got on medication a couple months ago and was finally able to come to this realization.

I'm on 450 mg of Wellbutrin, 80 mg of Prozac and 60 mg of Buspirone. Apart from my sex drive coming down, I feel much better than before but I still feel like something is wrong with me. I'm 28 and work part time as an assistant to a realtor. I make enough money working 2 days a week to pay for all my things. Even though it sounds like a dream, I'm still depressed. I'm depressed about not having a car (sending that money to financially help my Mom & sister back home), not working full time, not having the perfect body (I live in West Hollywood), not having sex (I'm too self conscience about being skinny fat), being old (I just turned 28) and continuing to have paranoid thoughts about everyone hating me. Even though I feel better, about 50%, I still get depressed about these things. It's like my drive and motivation has been completely removed from my brain which is ironic because I was always a good student and hard worker.

Has anyone ever felt like this? If so, how did you come out of it? Are there any other medications that help? Am I just being lazy or is there really something wrong with me?

[waterknob1234]

Hi brashkoala, welcome to the community. I am glad you are beginning to feel better but it does take time to recover from depression. Sometimes medication alone does not fix everything. Most people would recommend that if you can find a way to get therapy that would be helpful. I don't think you are lazy. And you are not old yet. You will find as you get older you definition of "old" changes. Perhaps as you get to feeling better you could seek out a second job to help pay for a car. Best of wishes to you.

[Altered Moment]

Medication is only part of the answer. You may try others as there are many others and combo's available but if you are getting decent results from what you are taking you may not want to mess with it. Lack of drive and motivation is a very common symptom of depression and may be fixed by meds but low self esteem maybe won't be. It also takes therapy, a lot of self help, meditation, taking risks socially, a good support network. A lot of things to try to slowly build upon.

A lot depends on the core causes of things too. For example if there was trauma, abuse, neglect, etc in childhood one treatment approach may be adopted. If it is very genetic and biological another approach might be adopted.