[ShiningOne]

By that I mean not knowing if and how all the fear, pain, rejection, and loneliness I've endured so far will be worth it.

Feels like it hasn't been worth it so far (especially since many of my fears have come true) and it all just keeps piling on and on.

I'm not sure if anyone I ever meet and/or anything I ever do will ever be able to put me back together; it deeply frightens me and brings about a profound sadness.

Sometimes I find myself wishing for an end to my existence over happiness - pretty messed up right?

Thanks for reading. Comments are more than welcome.

[lonewolf59]

Yeah, people tell me all the time that you can't have anything you want in life, even if you work at it, but you can still be grateful that you're alive and be happy. With that logic, there's no point to life at all. It's like, wtf is the point of doing anything or trying when I can never be truly satisfied and not be a loser? Isn't being human about working towards your potential? What if your "potential" isn't even worth pursuing? Just because of genetics you might be able to live a decent life. What if I want a great life? I can't do s*** due to genes? Something out of my control? And they say that life is a gift, makes me so mad because there are some people who are just screwed no matter what they do.

[Mustkeepjob32]

One thing I try to remember, but sometimes it is difficult, is that no one can fix us. We ourselves only can. I'm sorry you're feeling all this loneliness.

[waterknob1234]

Hi Shining One. I am wishing you relief from your pain and suffering. I often feel the same way as you. But as MustKeepjob says, I think we have to fix ourselves, it is just a difficult process but we have to try. I don't know any other option. Love and hugs coming your way.

[Fuzzybear]

[dandylin]

I'm sorry. It kind of feels like that doesn't it? You sit and wait for the time when all the suffering will pay off.

[IrisBloom]

I'm 56 and have had life long depression. I've had terrible low points and wonderful high points. If I had checked out when I was young, I would have missed out on the best things life has to offer. Yes, most has been dull, boring and lonely, but the happy times make it all worth while.

Hang in there. Find a purpose. I know it's hard when you are suffering, but looking forward and having hope is important. Fixing yourself is done in small steps, a day at a time. You can do it.

Every day you wake up is a new opportunity for something good to happen!