[Beachlover527]

I'm not sure if I am depressed or not. I am legitimately confused. I'm not sure if I think I am but I'm just sad or if I am and that explains why I think the things I do and feel the way I do.
I don't know if I crossed that fine line or if I am barely just behind it.
Do you see how this could be troubling to a person? I don't know if what I'm feeling is serious or not.
I am seeing a therapist and I just tell her my problems. She gave me a paper test that scores me and I got extremely high for anxiety depression etc. but I don't think it's true. It may just be that I am not understanding the question or if I am making this worse than it really is.

-------------
Anyone else feel like they are barely holding on every day? That every single day feels like you have one hand on the edge of a cliff and you have to distract yourself/use breathing exercises/repeat mantras and quotes/watch funny videos/talk to friends/do everything in your power to allow you to hang on?
I don't want to let go. But it feels like one little thing can make me slip and fall off.
That's how I feel.
One little thing can allow me to want to kill myself. I am BARELY hanging on. How does one DEAL with this?
I honestly don't know what to do.
I want to be happy. I don't want to let go of the cliff but I am barely hanging on.
** This is SO dangerous because there might be something in the future that shakes me up and makes me slip off **
**help

[kaliope]

I question why you would doubt the test on anxiety and depression and then go on to say how things are so bad that you are barely hanging on? instead of talking to your therapist about your problems, can you tell her about this hopelessness you are experiencing? it appears you can use some coping skills to help you past this period of this life. take care.

[Beachlover527]

Because I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is worthy... I don't feel like it is valid. I hate how my therapist just says to be patient and that healing takes time when I want to get better and feel better.
All she gives me is breathing exercises and tells me to be mindful. It doesn't really help.

Originally Posted by kaliope

I question why you would doubt the test on anxiety and depression and then go on to say how things are so bad that you are barely hanging on? instead of talking to your therapist about your problems, can you tell her about this hopelessness you are experiencing? it appears you can use some coping skills to help you past this period of this life. take care.

[Creative1onder]

Maybe you need to change your therapist or try a different type of therapy/other forms of help to enable you to have a greater sense of self worth and value and be empowered to lead a better quality of life or be able to participate in life more actively, meaningfully and harmoniously.

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by Creative1onder

Maybe you need to change your therapist or try a different type of therapy/other forms of help to enable you to have a greater sense of self worth and value and be empowered to lead a better quality of life or be able to participate in life more actively, meaningfully and harmoniously.

I feel so mean if I just left her. I know I'm the one paying and stuff but I just feel bad leaving her. I think I'll stick with her for a few more months until I feel I can do without her.
I've had about 7 sessions so far and I think it just takes more time.

[cat2992]

I've often felt on the edge, but I describe it as constantly treading water and trying to keep my head up. It's exhausting. Never invalidate your feelings. I think you're worried about the label that 'being depressed' would feel like. We all go through varying degrees of depression and no one can rate that but you.

I would encourage at minimum a depression daily journal, where you rate your depression from 5 (felt good, competent) to 1 (felt bad, totally on edge). Sometimes my ratings can change during the day too, depending on life events. Those tidbits might be helpful to discuss with your T and may reveal some thought patterns going on that could be worked on through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

Good luck

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by cat2992

I've often felt on the edge, but I describe it as constantly treading water and trying to keep my head up. It's exhausting. Never invalidate your feelings. I think you're worried about the label that 'being depressed' would feel like. We all go through varying degrees of depression and no one can rate that but you.

I would encourage at minimum a depression daily journal, where you rate your depression from 5 (felt good, competent) to 1 (felt bad, totally on edge). Sometimes my ratings can change during the day too, depending on life events. Those tidbits might be helpful to discuss with your T and may reveal some thought patterns going on that could be worked on through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

Good luck

That's exactly what I feel like to. I always try to be happy because I'm so afraid to be very depressed again. I like seeing the happy side of things but it's hard. My life is great. My thoughts aren't. So that's good.
Thank you so much, you helped me a lot.
I'm afraid to rate my depression every time because it might trigger me to feel sad again, do u get it?
I am extremely sensitive...

[Creative1onder]

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

I feel so mean if I just left her. I know I'm the one paying and stuff but I just feel bad leaving her. I think I'll stick with her for a few more months until I feel I can do without her.
I've had about 7 sessions so far and I think it just takes more time.

If you don't feel its helped so far, it might be worth find other form of help, trying another therapy or see different therapist. Its for you. Not the therapist. You have to do what's best for you. My time ended with a therapist recently. It wasn't easy but I knew inside that it wasn't rly working out, that she, her approach wasn't right for me. I saw a mindfulness based counsellor before her which lasted for a lot longer, months..it just dragged on and things deteriorated with that one. I felt I'd wasted a lot time, efforts and money continuing to see that one when I was feeling pretty negative about it and felt like stopping a number of times. It can take a while to find what works best, what's most helpful.you have to follow your instincts.

[Creative1onder]

I would also recommend keeping a journal so you can express your personal thoughts, feelings about what you experience, understand and what you are looking for or needing. Its good to also keep check of your moods and any factors that can set you off to feel negative and fall into depressive anxious state. You can also find ways to help you feel better in yourself.