[Petra5ed]

Everything I have to say is toxic and miserable and depressed...

My life has always sucked, and I'm tired of never enjoying anything. I look around, and most people seem to enjoy at least some parts of life, but my life has been nothing but pain and stress. If there is never a moment to live for, then what am I doing?? I detest my husband, my job, I have no friends. I pay for relationships. I pay massage therapists to touch me. I pay maids to help me clean. I pay yoga instructors to help me distress. I pay for activities and shows... No amount of money and no material things, no services, bring me any joy. No amount of physical activity, or effort on my part has worked either. Everything about me is wrong, and it's no wonder no one likes me. I would hate me too, I'm a real downer. The only thing that's ever brought me any joy/ relief is drugs.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

Everything I have to say is toxic and miserable and depressed...

Is this your personal assessment, or has someone said this to you?

What you wrote strikes me as an accurate, truthful description of a particular life beset by depression.

Are you on any meds now?

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Is this your personal assessment, or has someone said this to you?

What you wrote strikes me as an accurate, truthful description of a particular life beset by depression.

Are you on any meds now?

Both my assessment and what I've been told, which is that I'm "toxic." And no, I'm not on meds now, which seems a mistake. It's going to be meds or drugs or death soon.

[Hellion]

I can sort of relate to this feeling...except I find there are a few things I do enjoy and have sometimes found myself enjoying moments of life but that is short lived. I've had depression for years as well as anxiety and PTSD which was from something that happened after I already had been suffering depression and anxiety.

Don't have a relationship or job, some friends close family but I'm still miserable which makes me feel bad because it would be easier if no one cared and so I wouldn't have to worry about upsetting them by being so down on myself or attempting/succeeding at suicide. I find drugs are the only thing that has really provided significant relief(even if temporary) and drug induced euphoria is probably the closest thing I've felt to actual joy or happiness as sad as that might be. Not sure where I am going with this...I sure don't have a solution or way to fix this sort of feeling, but I do understand some of what you feel.

But yeah I think sometimes people think people with more money or whatever who are doing well enough financially...must also be happier or assume (why should they be depressed) but when you suffer with depression or other mental problems you can still feel like crap even if you had all the resources and things you wanted at your fingertips.