I'm the reason...

... my daughter is as angry as she is. if it wasn't for me she wouldn't have ended up in foster care so many times; i would have been able to cope with all the stuff in my life and look after her; my depression has caused sooo many major problems for us- the second to last time she went into care was coz I was sent 500km away for 4 months with her younger sister to a hospital that could help me, then when I got back she didn't come back to live with us for 8 months, then 5 months after that again i couldn't deal with her behavioural issues and she had to leave because i couldn't protect her sister from her tantrums enough. Now, I am the one who lives at home while daddy lives in 'angelas house'; i am the one who has to discipline her all the time; i am the one who makes her go to school; i am the one who says no to her. So because of this it is only fair that she takes all her anger out on me- i am the one who is there in front of her. Last week for 2 days I trialled smacking again- it worked for 1 night- but I hated doing it and made me feel so guilty and showed how terrible I am to be doing that. So when she smacks me, and does everything else she does, I totally deserve it and that is why I don't stop her. I know I don't punch her or kick her but it makes me feel better when she takes her full force of anger out on me; as I am sure it must make her feel better too. And it stops her going for her sister.

Sorry- don't want to sound like a martyr or anything. Just wrote down everything as it came out of my head.