[Loial]

Hi guys,

So I went through a period of psychosis to varying degrees for two and a half years, which cleared last summer up but now seems to have come back. According to my GP it was left at queried schizophrenia. I'm currently awaiting a referral but it's taking a long time...

Anyway, enough background. I felt pretty good this afternoon but out of nowhere this evening I started feeling empty, not exactly down, but just devoid of feelings with some dark undertones.

I've started ruminating a bit on how I'm not the same person I used to be. It varies quite a bit, sometimes I feel I'm not far off how I used to be, but at the moment I feel I come across as cold to people because I don't express my emotions as much as I used to & I'm prone to mistrusting people. I'm normally a very friendly & understanding person but I feel that my personality doesn't show through very much... I guess because of some anhedonia & flattening.

I'm not really having suicidal ideation but I do wonder what people would think if I wasn't here anymore. I had some a few weeks ago, but it was more curiosity than anything else so it didn't worry me. What worries me now is with this emptiness, if it comes back it'll be a slippery slope.

[The_little_didgee]

Feeling depressed after a psychosis is very common. Sometimes it comes with suicidal thoughts and loss of emotions.

When I recovered from my psychosis I got depressed. I longed for it to return because it filled the big void I had at the time. It gave me purpose. It was a distraction from reality. At the time I had no job and high school diploma. Life and my future felt so bleak. Psychosis made it a lot more tolerable.

Psychosis changes you. It leaves a mark even after recovery. The 'hidden' cognitive problems and emotional flattening make it so much harder to relate to others and function in the world. It is isolating. Once I realized the full extent of my problems it contributed to the depression.

What helped me get through was acknowledging my 'disability' and working with it rather than fighting it. Since I had a very unique perspective of the world and experience that no one else had it gave me permission to embrace who I am. Now I am quirky Didgee.