[g9788]

My wife does not understand my depression. How much and what type of support should I expect from her.

[Frankbtl]

Hi g9788, welcome to PC!!!!
If she doesn't understand your depression then it's not a great starting point in her recognizing when/what support you might actually really need and she's going to be drawing her own conclusions on the support she's prepared to give, which might be completely wrong.
So maybe it would help if you could support her in understanding it a bit more/better. Perhaps talking more to her about it?? Perhaps finding her some resources?? Perhaps finding her other people experiences similar to yours?? She still might not truly understand it, but some (more?) understanding could help, right??
It might help as well if you explain the kind of support you'd like from her, give her something to "go on".
And then, it might come down to how much support/the type of support you need and what she's actually able to give. Some people can be really empathetic and supportive in all sorts of ways (and I hope your wife's can be one of those people ) some people can be completely oblivious/ignorant to what depression might be like for someone, and then there's all sorts of people in between.
I guess it depends on you and her.......but if she's not able to give you as much support as you'd like, you may decide to take what she's able to give and get more of the support she can't give from elsewhere e.g. your doctor, pdoc, T, or us on here!!!
I'd hope your wife could "be there" for you, but sometimes it can take people with "experience" to really "get it".
Anyway............again welcome to PC, there are a lot of very understanding, supportive people on here, and if/whenever you want to talk more..............

Alison

Hi, welcome here....
That is tough to answer. In my own experience we can't really expect someone who isn't suffering depression to really understand the depths of it. It would be helpful if your spouse could understand and support you. Maybe taking her along to a therapy appt. at some point, if you are seeing someone, which would help you as well if you aren't already getting some professional help. Communicating your needs to her clearly would be a start. Some people will just never have lasting depression or understand what it feels like no matter how hard you try to get them to.

[Altered Moment]

At the least I would say that she doesn't do and say things that make it worse for you. It can be a big burden and very difficult for those close to us. I think we have a responsibility to get help and support out side of family. But I sure would want my spouse to at least support me in getting that help and understand that I need to talk to people who also suffer.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[eaglegrafix]

After 20 years my wife understands more now than she did at the beginning when we first met. I try my best to understand her difficulty in understanding me. There really is no way to make a person understand unless they want to go through the process of educating themselves.

I'm in a down slope right now and it is not easy for us but I thank her for the times she is willing to listen to me when I need to talk and I try not to be a burden for her. Having these kind of places where I can go and talk about it helps me a great deal.